Using Pain as a Shock Absorber for Success

People have different views as far as finding the right partner for them. Time and again it has been said, you don’t find a partner, as it will come natural. You cannot fabricate or fix something for the sake of having a person be at your side. It should be of your own free will without conditions.

Such was something I had experienced ages ago. Going into college, I just came of a recent break-off with my first girlfriend, and the feeling was really devastating. Something I was not used to at that time, it severely affected my moral standards, dampening my spirits as an innocent youth finding the meaning of love in those days. I shifted my attention on using pain as my strength, pouring all my energy on sports activities such as basketball and Tae Kwon Do. The latter was of course much more severe and punishing, and the pain that I garnered from the training for competition and was really not felt in exchange for emotional setbacks I had then. I really didn’t care much, all that mattered was I compete for glory and carve my name out as part of the college team varsity, something I would be proud of.

I abused my body so much then that people began to wonder how I would do it. Staying up late, smoking a lot, drinking tons of alcohol, and needing to undergo the training every morning and afternoon and simultaneously taking up my studies was suicide to most of them. I called it keeping myself busy, not leaving a moment to think and reflect. Attaining such achievements is something that most people would not understand, but for me it means a lot. I also had my share of people that got my interest, but well, it just didn’t work out. Relationships ensued, but none of them lasted. This was the trend up to this day.

The only thing that has changed from then is that I am not getting any younger. I still try to be the same old busy body, but the toll that these abuses have made to my body and mind are obviously much more different today. Pain is still present but I never show it, since I was never known to be weak inside. Perhaps this is the reason why it takes so much to see a tear fall from my eyes. This is a rarity and no one has ever seen me cry other than my family.

Pain may be a sign of weakness for most people but if a person
knows how to manipulate it and turn it into one of his strong points, he will be
amazed at how pain will never be felt at all.

Who Am I? – Principles and Changes in Outlooks and Acceptance

If there is one thing that I can say that has changed in my overall personality compared to my early years, it’s that of knowing where I stand and up to what extent I can get to with anyone, family, friends or new acquaintances. Some say it comes with age, but I would call it showing respect and getting the message immediately.

I will admit, in my younger years, I was the aggressive and immature person who would not stop to fight for something until I get it. I did this despite being lambasted, belittled and called various names as stupid, idiot and so on. The fire in my eyes of proving a point back then was to get what I want and how. Some would say I was the person who would not take no for an answer, impressing a lot of people especially the opposite sex.

But now in my 30’s, everything seems to be on a different level. Some say I am still young to take on life the way I am right now, but apparently, putting my focus on a lot of things, unfinished accomplishments as far as proving to me the various tasks I knew I could be good at has taken the best of my time today. To date, it has only been my daughter, my sole daughter that has been able to persuade me to take on life the way it should be. Maybe it’s because she was given the wrong impression from the various years that I was never there or close to her.

Anyway, today, life seems so different. Rejection is still there, picky eyes, and critics who still downplay me both as a person and as a professional. I couldn’t care less about what they say as long as I live by my principles, something that my Dad taught me when I was still the immature kid around the corner. I never appreciated what it all meant until today, where I am able to handle a company where all my inputs, wishes and ideas are being put into perspective as long as I am able to justify them. Just yesterday, I met someone, asking me what my work was. He initially thought I was a sales agent, but when I said my actual position, he told me that I must have something special to be placed in that position and call all the shots. I just flashed a smile not knowing what to do. It was an uplifting complement from someone who knew my bosses well.

Meeting new people, being set up on dates, well, the usual curiosity is there, but the approach is different. Something like this is who I am, so accept me or avoid me has been the attitude I have instilled in myself. It cannot be discounted that people have preferences and should I not have them, I will just step back and walk away. It may be hard, but I would understand. Today, it is never about what I feel, but for how I would feel if there is no sincerity. People may use me abuse, but I have my limits and trust will always be broken. I listen to the song of the late Karen Carpenter, “Love Me for What I Am” and perhaps this is something that inspires me the most. Similar to Take it or Leave it…

As far as love and relationship goes, well, I take them all in stride. I am no longer the charming male specie that everyone knew. I find no reason to stomp and insist if the person looks at me at a different way. It’s only natural. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Not having someone is not the end of the world. It may be tough but hey, it doesn’t make anyone less of a person.

We all have our special gifts, and putting them into good use for the duration of our lives will be the biggest accomplishment we will obtain.

Friends, old, new and would be will be able to read this. Laugh, understand or find it a waste of time. But have you asked yourself if you are mature enough dealing with your own lives? Think about it, maybe its time you did instead of criticizing and sticking to your current beliefs. You have nothing to lose but more to gain…

Some Kind of Wonderful: The Choices We Make

At some point in our life, we all look forward to something extravagant and striking in our lives. It could come in the form of a successful career, solid family camaraderie or perhaps just a simple feeling of accomplishment which can be in any form we deem fit. In the same way that no two people are alike, the level of anxiety and satisfaction that we consider as a monumental part of our lives may not solicit the same approval from other people, even our friends.

Wonderful happenings and moments would come at various points of our lives. We never know how to express such optimism at times, a common gesture that everyone would agree that sometimes leaves us tongue tied or queer. The true appreciation of such accomplishments catches us at the most unexpected time. It is in these scenarios that appreciating such moments will usually come after some time, when we look back and ponder at how our lives went on for the past years or so.

So how do we categorize and choose the striking relevance of a certain thing, such as perhaps getting that long due promotion you always wanted, being able to buy and live in your own house, or marrying the perfect woman you always dreamed of and having beautiful kids to take care of. The possibilities are multiple and it would all come down to what has meaning to a person, what he considers the greatest achievement that he has done over the course of his existence in the world.

Not all of us are blessed. We all want the whole package like love and money altogether without having to go through the motions of sacrifice. In most cases, we are made to choose, companionship or wealth. Whichever the choice, it should be stood upon by the people who consider it the most important aspect of their lives. The satisfaction level that a person has is totally varied. No one can presume that a person is happy with what he or she actually wants in life. In most cases, this will draw criticism, but out of respect for his or her beliefs, it would be best to let them be and respect what they consider the most wonderful thing in the world for them. No one is in a position to judge people by what they want; it is purely based on principle. No matter what the case may be, standing up on their beliefs, what makes them happy and of course, their governing principles in life, the final judgment on what they truly want to endure should not be questioned.

Fate has its way of teaching us the ways of life, sometimes even dictating what we should go for, but nevertheless, being able to achieve and realize these long awaited dreams may be the silencing factor towards fulfillment.

A Mirror Image on Reality and Plastic People of Today

We get to meet people here and there and all of them have varying points on how to accept a person. Most would give the usual answer of as long as he is a gentleman, thoughtful, understanding and sweet, they won’t mind. Who are we kidding? Looks still have a role in determining if a person would be someone we would like to be with, seen with or go out with.

How does one accept a person in reality? Looks still count. Not the macho, mestizos or mestizas alone. A certain mixture which includes ethnic proportions such as livelihood, profession and history as well. Age is another thing since people would rather have a hitch free person rather than listen to their old stories of yesterday, something that most people would consider even if they won’t admit it. I bet you even if a person is formerly married, a person would still go out with him or her because he or she is able to maintain a certain quality that lures the opposite sex. I should know, my ex-wife is a clear example. But in her case, it was money that lured her out of a good marriage. Better late than never but I knew it was coming. For some people money is everything and that is something you simply cannot take away.

Deceptions are part of the world. People seem to be the right one, but they are just testing the waters and seeing what benefits they would get from you. If they don’t see any profitable future with you, well, don’t expect a second look. They will naturally avoid you. Understandably, why would they waste their time on a has-been, when they can find someone else better?

This is one reason why I have instilled this attitude of accept and retreat. I get to meet a lot of people and no matter how strong this claim may be, it is the reality of it all. People without any hang-ups in life will not waste time on people who have hang-ups. In the same way, why should you force the issue. Backing away won’t hurt. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and happiness. That is perhaps I choose to accept what is there and slide back into the crowd as a regular bystander. That way, being out of the limelight will not be as hard as falling from a mountain that you have conquered, especially if you don’t know how to look back at your tracks.

Sorry but not all people are perfect. This not a crime but it a turn that fate had instilled the moment we were born...

Blog Herald Feature: How I Blog-Brian Yalung, MBA

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How I Blog: Brian Yalung, MBA

Family Asylum, Isolation, and Protecion

Protection and Isolated Asylum. My mother informed me the other night how I felt about migrating to the states if given the chance. Apparently, this is because of my brother-in-law’s run in with the government, his inclusion in the Oakwood Mutineer’s failed Coup attempt 3 years ago. While I did hear a word or two about it, I never thought he would really be joining it! So he and his comrades are now in isolated chambers at Fort Bonifacio, which I know is a burden for his kids and my sister. Well, much as I would want to help, I do my part as the Uncle who spoils his bratty nephews and nieces every week. They deserve to enjoy life and get the attention that they need. It is the least I can do since my parents and grandparents made me enjoy my infant and childhood life as well. Now it is my turn to do the same to the young tykes.

Going back, apparently the government is taking a big risk in trying to make my brother in law talk. Once he does, well, it will be the safety of his kids that will be at risk, and according to my mom, all people in the household, including myself! This really got my ire and I answered a big fat NO! Why should I suffer from his childish actions I said, I am working hard to maintain a clean life only to be ruined by one childish act which they obviously fouled up! Given the situation, leftists known as the NPA (New People’s Army) would go after his family, us included according to my mom. I vehemently protested because no one even saw me going out with this guy without my sister. My only concern is for the kids. While I understand that they may have to leave for safety reasons, inside it will be tough to condition myself not seeing them. I know my daughter would be heartbroken as well, as these two kids never fail to come into my room, call my name and ask me to play with them, often of which I would oblige. But for their future’s sake, I would not stop such asylum and protection for them.

I just cannot imagine people as the NPA try to hurt a 4 and 2 year old kid. If they have their differences, I just wish they take it out on themselves and leave families out of their spat. When my brother in law joined this tirade, it was a death wish from the start. Looking out for his family’s welfare never occurred in his mind, and now he is befuddled, not know what to do. I have made harsh decisions in my life, but among those decisions, I would never put my family’s lives in danger. That would be selfish and stupid!

The Scaredy Cat

Nothing best sums it all up when people ask my why I haven’t found someone to fill the void that everyone seems to be filled. Even my friends, new and old, do not believe that I am single and alone with only my daughter in tow, Vanessa. Many would say I am conning them or something when in reality I am really not. Even my ex-girlfriends, whom for some reason I have resorted to contacting for no apparent reason, do not believe I am single right now. Most of them call me a guy who never runs out of girls to be with; on whether that is good or bad, well, I leave the judgment up to them. Ever since I found out that my ex-wife was cheating on me, well, the search for someone more deserving never entered my mind, well at least not yet. But analyzing myself carefully, I don’t think even if my ex-wife was not cheating on me, I had already set my sites on a task based personality, pursuing a dream towards success, something that most professionals would prioritize for the benefit of their siblings.

I don’t feel down at times, maybe because I really take on a lot of things simultaneously, and I have my nephews and niece to eat up my attention. I know I am still the person of yesterday’s news, but only one part of me changed, and I guess this can be attributed to the fact that I have conditioned myself into allowing people the freedom of judgment and acceptance. Gone are my years of being persuasive, fighting for what I want. Right now, I satisfy myself on how people see me, physically and mentally. There have been people who still judge a book by its cover, but I simply smile at them and go on my way. It is impossible to please everyone and I guess the same holds for me in this situation. I had my run at relationships, the last of which was a few months back. But seeing that it would be unfair to have someone and not give her the due love and affection she deserves would be an act of selfishness on my part. One after another, women go my way, and in each one, I don’t see the fire in my eyes to love them the way women should be loved. Something happened to me along the road, something that has totally negated my preference for self satisfaction. People who have known me for so many years would be puzzled at me right now. But crazy as it may seem, I feel that time is not on my side.

Perhaps appearance is also another factor. I am not the same physical appearing conscious person like before. It can be similar to something like, well, a part of me has been used up, and we all cannot stay young forever. A person just has to do what he has to do. Acceptance of a person to understand my situation, my personality and my current outlook in life will be difficult. And as I said to one of the women I had tried to court before, if ever I do get back the fire to want someone beside me, it would be someone from my past, someone who knows me better than anyone else. At my age, trying to pose as a teenager is no longer a feasible resort. The usual hyperactive person in me has slowly taken its toll, and injuries, both physically and mentally are not helping. As I said, age is the factor.

One person I met called me a scaredy cat and I think she is right. I am scared to love again for fear of going through all of this over and over again. People take chances, but I feel hesitations on my part. Perhaps I am not ready, but if I were the stubborn type, I could manipulate people and fool them to believing I truly care for them. But right now, I only admit my true feeling for people who really mean something to me. Unfortunately these people don’t feel the same way. So why force the issue. Knowing where you stand is the best thing a person can ask for. I call it a mix of choice and respect for other’s decision. So that is that…

Analyzing Dreams: Truth of Dare?

When I was a kid, my parents often told me that dreams are the exact opposite. At first, I took on my experiences in this notion, since parents are the most trusted people who would not fib or make up stories just to create the usual kid’s fantasies that we usually know parents would make up so as to keep us in our stage of growth. Superstitious may be part of it as well, but the heck, what is there to lose when you are a kid when you are still leaning on the support of your parents right?

These memories often become my point of reference when I want to analyze dreams. But lately, some of my dreams, especially the horrible ones which I can call nightmares, haunt me and make me think on whether I have this knack for telling what the future holds or what lies ahead for me. Not to boast, but I often find myself making bold predictions and statements to which majority have come true. It becomes a point where I would rather shut up and let fate have its way on my life. Some would say I am crazy, but just the same, I know myself better and the things that I have been through. Young as what most people would say, I feel I am in my latter stage of life, but confused as well, because I feel that I have to mature faster than the usual life cycle.

Another aspect is that of their consistency as far as the person in my dream and that of my relationship with them. I would usually dream of them on consecutive days which really gives me the creeps. But unlike when I was a child, I don’t look forward to dreams as much, perhaps because I have decided to make myself busy by doing various things simultaneously, leaving less room for idle time. It is no secret that my current status is rare, and not to show-off, in reality being chosen over a mother to stay with is indeed a privilege and an honor. This warms the heart a lot, although admittedly I am not the mushy type. It takes so much to allow tears to drop from my eyes and the last time tears dropped was when I graduated from Ateneo my MBA degree. Well, I guess we just have to wait and see what dreams may come. There is nothing definite for a dream, and no basis for interpretation on my end. All I can say is that

fate has its reasons and I and most of us, should be prepared for whatever tomorrow has in store for us.

Letting Go to Know the Truth

Saying NO, especially if you are not used to it, will definitely be something hard to do for old friends and people whom you think considered you really as a friend. Most of the time, I feel myself being forced to go to special occasions, and I would rather stay at home, write articles or maybe watch some DVD movies or series than spend time with friends.

The experience I have had is really something that has made me resort to think twice nowadays. People who befriend you for the reason of knowing you can help them has become common and after some time, well, they go as quickly as they came. Sad but true, this is the real world so such things should only be expected. There is no room for self-pity today since if you want to survive, you have to show that you are strong and focused. People who would not share the same outlook would love to see a person fail, and honestly, this becomes sickening, but no one can control nor say what a person has to do. We all have our priorities. Not fixing this will lead to a chaotic life. For friends, they will be there, but some will go and will want nothing to do with you. That is a fact and no one can deny that preferences in the friends they want to have will always be a factor. In my case, I don’t have any preferences and taking it from my favorite quote “Beggars cannot be choosers.”

I view life as a movie. It has a beginning and an end. All things need to end at one point and all that is left is to script it in the way you would want to end it, with credits or without and of course if it is happy or a debacle.

A Guiding Light towards Maturity

Guidance and control are among the things that most parents need to provide their children nowadays. The common knowledge of most kids of today is far more advanced compared to what I went through centuries ago. The manner of living, their beliefs, socializing functions are entirely much more liberated. If I compare this with the time I had with my folks, I would probably shock them and given them heart problems back then.

Well, changing times mean changing lives as well. The traditions and habits of most people of today are truly different. Some people would want their kids to grow mature and responsible. But take it from me, being technically a single father is no easy task. I try to treat it as mature as I can so that my daughter can be able to face life more positively and responsibly. For sure, all the things that she is doing right now will never be tolerated by her former mom, well basing it on experience that is. But I am happy that she knows her limits and I just hope it sticks.

Friends will be around for us, and this is perhaps why I don’t control much of choosing her friends. I let her be the judge, and well, I am only there to guide her and make sure she doesn’t fall into what I experienced. I have had so called friends before, but each disappear when the time arises. While I have handled them with tough times, it really becomes a gauge on how far friends will go for you, maybe even stand in front of a bullet for you. I have countable friends who would do it for me, and I hope she has more than just a handful to do the same for her. Besides, a father cannot be the only one in a child’s life especially after a mother abandons them. Friends and relatives are always their to fill the slack and I will just be around to make sure she pushes all the right buttons.

A Philosophical Route towards Individual Existence

People grow up, grow old and take on life in a different approach. For some, the adventurous and glamorous life is not something that can really make them happy. Besides, living in luxury and prestige brings along responsibility on being able to live in the way that is more complicated as it seems.

No bright lights, no pat on the backs and no one to commend you, well, some people would be fine with that. People just have different philosophies and lifestyles and this is something that should not be taken away from them. We all take pride in what we do and who we are. There is no better way to describe it other than unique personalities and level of satisfaction.

People don’t really need to look further to understand a person and his activities. For each action is a reason, and this is what most people overlook. Some would be merciful to the extent that these are not what people really want them to consider. People simply want to make life as simple as they can be, choosing to live on the conservative manner rather than the wild side of things.

They do not seek understanding. As long as a person enjoys and understands the purpose of his existence, that is all that matters. People may find this weird, but the weirder part of it all is trying to come up with an excuse for the person who makes his destiny and fate in the way he wants it to happen.

The Human Mask

We all have something to hide. We are all scared to show off who we really are. We usually don’t have the courage to be able to be confident enough of who we are for reasons such as not being able to fit in, rejection, humiliation and worst be viewed as a big joke. My point is that each of us wears a mask to be able to hide these things and spare us from imminent breakdown, especially in terms of self confidence and esteem.

Each day we meet someone new. Honestly, their first impression will certainly be not whom they really are. Personalities vary and it takes time, sometimes more than just a lifetime, to be able to know a person. People get married because they feel they have gotten to know each other quite well. But if this is so, then why do people change? Why do people end up parting ways, most of the time in favor of someone else?

So perhaps most readers are now thinking, what does this got to do with a mask? Lets start by how a mask is defined.

A mask is a piece of material or kit worn on the face. Masks have been used since antiquity for both ceremonial and practical purposes. It is used as a form of protection to hide identities.

Hiding identities is something common at first glance. Besides, rarely do we see people who can fully give their trust to new found acquaintances. People are afraid to give in, reveal their inner self. Some have taken the fall. Taking off their mask immediately only to find themselves stumbling, falling and being laughed at with nothing else to hold on for retribution. By the time a person feels that he needs to wear his mask again, it is already too late. Secrets have been revealed, leaving them in personal anguish. Taking a chance to people whom they thought they had known is already a toll in itself towards wrecking the overall confidence and security a person has. So how can a person stand up and get back on his feet and goon with what life has to offer?

Finally, the real question is, when do we take off our masks? Rather, do we have any plans of taking them off? The problem really lies in the people themselves. Masks are made to cover up and seemingly become measuring sticks of being able to determine the proper time to totally reveal their true inner self. People don’t think much of this. People who trust easily, fall easily and are gullible at times because entrusting people immediately seems to be harmless is really harmful in the inner self. This is something that people do not really see, the mental anguish that people feel when they are alone. But then again, would they care? So far, based on the people I have met and considered close friends, I would say they don’t give a damn.

A mask can stay on for eternity. For all we know, we are already in another world still wearing the very same mask we wore when we started to enter this world. For the people who have already taken them off, well correct me if I am wrong that most of the experiences that they had after such are not appealing. For the ones who haven’t well, the time to take it off is in your hands, the decision on taking it off, or simply wearing it for the sake of personal sanity.

A Father's Day Message

Father’s day will always be known as a day to give due recognition to the fathers all over the world, both separated and not. Well, bottom line is, where would most of us be today if it were not for the Man of the House or so they say.

As I keep on telling myself, I tend to prefer being different above the rest. While it is no secret that most fathers of today may be considered extreme good dads to their children, the same may not be true if a husband is to be brought up. The level of expectancy for men today is like no other. Aside from being the acclaimed bread winners, they are expected to bring home the bacon and ensure that all their family’s needs are met. Never mind about emotional stress or concerns, men are always considered to take on such issues without problems and issues. But as they say, not all can be considered under this turf.

Father’s are usually the less known parents when it comes to their relationship with their children. Usually, it is the mother’s who provide all the needs and the interactions while fathers are off at work. If you ask me, I consider this quite unfair in the sense that not all the efforts and things that a dad can provide can truly be appreciated and in the end, should an impending break up between two people occur, the usual recourse is that children would prefer to be with their moms.

My case is different in a way. I have my daughter to me and the funny thing is I did not even give her an ultimatum. It was her choice and I had in no way persuaded her to stay with me. A lot has transpired with my former, most of which I have not yet gotten over, but if it was what I was destined to do, then I should just accept it and move on. On the low point, technically, I am still married and I consider myself used material, especially when it comes to looking for a partner. Perhaps this is one aspect that has lead me to somehow give up and emphasize on providing my daughter her needs and simply go for personal goals and achievements.

If there is one thing that I am sure of, I will not turn my back on my sibling. I am never known to be the type to turn my back on people I care and love but as long as they need them, I shall give it to them. For the people who do not understand, they don’t have to. Life is as free as it gets. I will never kneel and ask for their understanding as long as I know I am doing my part in this world. But one thing that is for sure, a father needs character and to hide emotional breakdowns and show that they are man enough to face the world is enough to show that people who take on the world by themselves without having to explain why they do so, are men that should be given the proper citation.

What Has Life to Offer...

If the world won’t adjust to you, then you have to adjust to the world.

Such a tricky phrase I picked up from the hit series Crime Scene Investigation (CSI). It was actually an episode about midgets trying to survive in a world of normal people whom they call giants. Truly, it is indeed hard to wait for the world to adjust to you, if not impossible in most cases. Evidently, people need to really do their share to be able to fit in, something that is relevant and important for people to be able to exist normally.

Each of us led different lives. Some may enjoy their life, while some are still in search of that icing on the cake in their lives where they can call themselves accomplished people, successful as far as their goal towards and ideal future is concerned. However, if it were to be summed up, I would say that not even ¼ of the world population of today can be considered content with what they have, what they have accomplished and what they pictured themselves some years back. The search for total content in their lives is still out there, but the truth of the matter is, the more a person is exposed, the more he or she must satisfy their needs and wants.

I am no hypocrite. I know I still have two things lacking in my life. One is to live on my own, living with my daughter in a place where I can say I built and sweated out. The road is not an easy one. Not really to blame the ongoing crisis, peso devaluation and governing problems that the world is facing, responsibility still needs to be honed on my part. Success doesn’t come easy and I am aware of this. All people need to work double time to consider themselves successful and gifted.

The other is perhaps easier for some but harder for me. The partner of my dreams. I have not given up hope really. It’s just that whenever I look back, an ordinary man would have committed suicide or gone out of his mind already. It is really hard when you thought that everything has already been settled, thinking and believing faithfully despite the hard times. Maybe being to confident and trusting is not at all very comforting. People feel they can change their fate and destiny, while I, God fearing as I am, approached in a different way, the normal way.

Hence, my search for a perfect fit to the puzzle is still out there somewhere. I know I have a few years left in my existence here, something that all of us are destined to have. At the moment, there are possible people I wanted to be that person, but unfortunately, maintaining the attitude of accepting and moving on has become my shield. Perhaps I have lost confidence and myself and settled to being single. Pains inside I know, but I believe it is better than finding someone and pretending to be happy. I don’t consider it a part of life as being unfair, sometimes we just have to move on and wait for what else life has to offer us.

Separating Pretenders and Defenders of Sincerity

People claim that they prefer individuals who are good inside rather than their outside appearances. Basing it on experience, on a range of 1 to 10, I would only consider such claims as a measly 3. Sure, we all know that people find certain looks, attributes and criteria for accepting people, but sometimes it is sad to say, that such claims are only for the sake of avoiding a bad image. In the long run, these people are the same ones who would shy away bit by bi, not unless they have use for you like help in financial or decision making matters. Once they have gotten what they wanted, expect them to disappear as quickly as they came.

It is a proven fact that people cannot be properly assessed. Some would lead you on, let you think that you are special to them or someone they are thankful for having. I always claim I have an empty space, and I know that for all people, the same holds true, having an empty space that can be in the form of more than one type of reason. Realistically, after this empty space has been filled, the scenario is similar to that of a “No Vacancy” sign when all accommodations are filled. In friendship, it is either they stay or go, and expect the ones to remain, the people who are truly sincere and accept you for who you really are.

I have had my own share of misconceptions about people. Before I tried to be someone I am not, but then again, it is more of fooling me than them. From thereon, I stood up for what I believe was really me, being who I am, regardless of what or how I looked. Disappointing as it may, the people who made me believe that they were close to me for one reason or another vanished into thin air. Well, what else is there to do but move on and live out life the way it should be? It is not the end of the world, and while there will be a moment of regret and pity on ones self, lessons are learned and this makes people more mature.

The funny thing about all of this is that I already had that initial impression but chose not to listen to it. It is something like having telepathy and sensing what is going to happen. But like most people who enjoy risk, what have I got to lose? I am used to being rejected or turned down, sometimes coming to a point to which I don’t really care. I have already been called names like inconsiderate, weird, childish, immature, irresponsible and a failure by people because they never really understood what I believed in nor was I able to explain my side, in fact, would they even bother to listen. Then again, it really doesn’t count anymore, and the best way is to just turn around and walk away from it all and continue what life and career have waiting for me.

Pathetic perhaps? I don’t think so as well. We all stand for something; believe in something that will make our lives as leisurely as possible. Some have dreams, but not all dreams come true. We have to work our way to them, and in the process, people do not understand the various things people do to be able to reach these dreams, or at least try to. Well, people have choices, and one thing I hate most is having to help these people and manipulate their decisions. Sensible as I am, the bottom line is, people will hear nothing out of me, especially if the decision concerns me. The final judgment shall be for them to decide on. As for me? Well, I am just a part of the crowd and observing what perhaps destiny has in store for me in the remaining years of my life.

The One that Got Away...Wrong Time, Wrong Place

It was just 5 months after I got married, I finally got through college after six years and landed my first job at a bank. It was a totally new thing for me, earning my keep and starting to face the world with survival on my mind. It wasn’t easy though. I had a child who was already 4 years old and a wife whom I thought God gave to me as my trophy. Nothing else mattered but as time passed, like all normal relationships, arguments and misunderstandings would eventually lead to falling out in the relationship, yes even marriages as we can see today, with the countless cases of divorces, annulments, and legal separations. I felt like I was in total disarray, just trying to make things work but acknowledging that I still had a lot to learn as far as maturity was concerned.

So it was totally routine to me. Work, go home, sleep and work again. There was no meaning fro me back then. Unfortunately, I wasn’t informed that in my department, there was still someone who I haven’t met, someone who was on study leave.

One morning, I went to work, and was totally surprised to see an unfamiliar face. She was a pretty face, someone whom instantly made my heart beat faster. But alas, she was already committed and the word around was that I am married already so in any case, a lost cause for courtship. Even though, at times when I was working on the computer, she was parallel to my vision, I sometimes find myself staring at her, and she would catch me looking at her to which I would look at a different direction. At times, I thought it was imagination but I too would catch her doing the same thing.

The rainy season soon came and most of the time she would be left stranded. I would offer her a ride, since she lived near my place, dropping her off where public transportation was readily available. From there, everyday we would have lunch together, and if she was going home early, I would offer her a ride home.

One time, I asked her if she would want to have dinner with me to which she obliged. We would usually share jokes, pleasantries and some personal problems. The routine would continue for weeks to a month. Strange but I fell and fell for her even the more, but I knew I would have no place in her heart since she loved another.

One night, I asked her out, took her on a private candlelight dinner. We did the usual things, jokes, laughing all the time. But suddenly, I felt the urge to ask her and admit to her what I felt. Like what did I have to lose? So I did. She was sort of shocked in a way and became speechless. I asked her if everything was OK, and she said she would be fine. I asked her if she wanted to go home so we rode the car and drove to her place. On the way, I drove slowly and asked her what she thought and that I was sorry because I just could not allow my heart to get the best of me. She took my hand and just simply told me, “Isn’t it obvious that I feel the same way?” My world jumped for joy but then again, being committed is still something that became a stumbling block to this unorthodox relationship.

The relationship lasted for about a year. I separated from my wife because we could not really settle our differences. But if there was a person I missed, it was my daughter. She was not aware of this and I could not bear to let go. The end came when the girl asked me that we should split up. It wasn’t the first time we would split up. The first time she said it, I just asked her to tell me that she didn’t love me, to which she cried. This time around, there were no tears. Her reason was that she wanted to get married and knowing my situation, she knew I could not marry her. So no matter how painful it is to finally find someone who would tame me, I had to let go, something I guess that has become normal for me.

To this day, I can and will never forget those days. No matter how immoral or illegal it was, I will treasure those days with her. She is married now and happy. Me? Well, I am separated since my wife cheated on me and may have probably married another guy, but in another country to avoid controversies and legal summons. Probably a sign of karma, but as a man, I would accept this since I know I deserve it. But I still have the one precious gift which I wanted before, the reason for me to try and work things out with my wife back then, my daughter is with me, all grown up and about 4 years from being a professional like me. This is all that matters, seeing someone follow my footsteps.

Today, in my late 30’s, call it crazy, but I seem to lose the need for someone to love aside from my daughter and immediate family. Many say I am just saying this because of what my wife did to me, but there is more to it than they can see. I admit that I have cheated before and the sum of all of these may be the result of what she did right now. In a way, no matter how hard it is, I understand her reason in a way, the level of satisfaction to which she is looking for.

I have met some fine women from the past years, but being in the situation I am, I don’t expect to get anywhere with them more than friendship.

The world is full of lose ends, and I guess I am caught in one of them. How I wish that girl came at this moment of my life...oh well, thats how the cookie crumbles...

A Dreamer: The Sacrificial Lamb

All people are entitled to being happy. As much as possible, most people would want to lead a simple life, avoiding complications and added setbacks that would eventually make life harder for them. While the world is full of complexities, people want to avoid such problems. Some say, a person without problems is probably someone who is suffering from a certain disorder, refusing to take on reality and preferring to live in a world that is free from problems and suffering.

With so many to mention, the most notable problems for people in the world is finding someone who will reciprocate their unseen need. This need comes in many forms:
1. Attention
2. Importance
3. Love
4. Complement
5. Assurance
6. Security

Among the aforementioned, people would add other requirements for sure, probably money, wealth, isolation, or privacy. Whatever the case may be, it is a fact that despite being able to answer all these there will always be lacking satisfaction. This is the problem that most people face, the rate at how they can be able to satisfy themselves, saying when they are fulfilled.

For the people who would say that they are not happy, a good question to throw back to them, “What makes you happy?” Money? Love? Attention? For sure, such responses will be among the ones mentioned above. But one thing that is for sure, people should understand that God never made everything easy, and that a purpose for such is made. For if everything were served on a silver platter, what would existence mean for them anyway?

Mixed Feelings in a World of Deception

I am totally in a mixed stage right now. I don’t know if I am happy and content or if I am sad and have a certain space to fill. The price to pay for living up to your principles in life truly has its downfalls, and while people may not understand or view it in a different way, the final say will still be on my part.

At this point in time, I cannot say that I am accomplished as far as my career is concerned. I admit that I am sometimes taking it easy, sort of like playing around and am handling pressure well as far as management directives are concerned. Compensation wise, as before, I feel is short changed, thus leading me to adding other tasks such as article writing, trading, and consultancy and so on. People may ask where I get the time and strength to handle all of them. My answer is simply because I love doing them and I always strive to accomplish something despite evident time pressure.

On the personal side, I content myself with spoiling my nephews and nieces who always take my stressful week away with their antics and providing me laughter with their cute wise cracks and my daughter who is growing up to be a lady now, and slowly seeing the realities of life, experiencing the outside world unlike before when she was stored in a container house by my great ex-wife at her so called successful parents. If I understand it right, basing it all on what I gathered from Vanessa, it was similar to being in prison walls. While protection may only be natural, you simply cannot hold on to something and keep it that way all your life. The growth and maturity of a person cannot be measured by always monitoring them. You have to let go and the best you can do is provide restrictions in a nice way for them to be able to know up to what extent they are being allowed to do so.

Taking my cue from what I said earlier on “you simply cannot hold on to something and keep it that way all your life”, this also holds true in my social life. People have different views of a person. Some would want to get close to a person because he can be of use to them, while others simply treat friendship for a time being when someone is always there for them in times of personal pressure. The world is full of deception, and the so-called friends for a time being will disappear after some time. This is not really surprising. All through my life, I can say I only have one true friend in each of my growth stages that I can shout out as a true friend indeed. Sad to say, but this is a reality and people you meet can be classified as a bunch of hungry sharks waiting to feed on you and leave you out in the cold once they have consumed every ounce of privilege they can get from you.

In my former married life, I tried to shift from being a nosey and strict husband towards a more flexible and mature person. I thought such a move would keep the ties better. Well, obviously it did not work out, but I am not sorry. There are two things I learned from it, one of which is, if people are truly meant for each other, they would stay together through thick and thin without bounds and secondly, letting go of someone and not being a watchdog may be an error, but as long as it makes the person happy, believe it or not, you should be too. Why? Because the price to make people happy comes at a stiff price, sometimes a lifetime of sorrow for which you have to cover by resorting to other means such as working hard for your daughter to be successful, keeping yourself busy 24/7, and giving your all to a bunch of kids who will remember you once your time has passed.

Stepping Up, Trying to Gain the Fire Again

Big shoes but something needs to be done. This is what these bunch of players needed, which I admit I have lost guidance to ever since I took over the chores of league commissioner of our annual event here in Greenhills. Well, it wasn’t an easy task, but it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass by.

Well, today, having the spare time, I tried to fill the role of acting coach, trying to teach them what I learned from my stint with the Ateneo MBA Blue Eagles last February. I must say, it was kinda new, something I have totally packed up since years ago. I gave up on coaching, admitting I lack the qualities of a good coach, and left it to the ones who had the ready experience. Besides, I just did it for fun, a sort of community thing to get the kids involved.

It is no joke that I want these kids to enjoy their summer. But along with it comes responsibility, discipline and dedication. Seeing the serious ones working their butt out and the others whom have placed success in their heads is something I will not tolerate. This is what I emphasized earlier to them in my short pow wow with them. As usual, the ones who think they are good did not attend, and well, I wasn’t surprised at all. So I just had to do with what I had, and thankfully, everyone showed a semblance of fire in their eyes, something I hope they will retain for their next game where they must win.

Tiring as it was, I was happy to see the group bonding together. I just hope that come game time, this rubs off on everyone. If not, it’s the end of the season for them.

An Annual Event, An Annual Competition

With an event that means so much to me, I made a decision not to invite any of my friends to the opening. Aside from probably getting in their way, considering it was a Sunday, a rest day and family day, I don’t want to get upset on a day that I have worked so hard on. Besides, basing it on experience, they would not appreciate the entire thing anyway.

All that mattered was that my whole family was there, my daughter, Vanessa, ever present and muse of our team and my staff to promote and sell our products to the players who are naturally going to be thirsty after their games and being under the sun at that this summer. Hopefully, the response they got from the reception of the product will boost their morale and allow them to use it as their asset in marketing the product a lot more with confidence.

It was a simple affair. Some new faces, some old ones. Safe to say, it was another successful event, despite having to do majority of the preparations. No regrets but success does not come cheap. Handshakes and commendations given, all accepted and acknowledged.

People would not appreciate such things or events. So why bother inviting them. Anyway, as I told my best friend some time last week, I will kind of lay off the group for a while. Nothing personal, but I do have some disappointments to some people. But why let them know when you can just simply disappear? I did it before so why not do it again right? I just told my best friend, if he needs help, he knows where I am and I will be there for him.

Sometimes, people just have to move on and get on with their way. There is no need to force people into going to something that means so much to you. This is probably the best way to determine which friends, who say they will always be there for you, are sincere and true and will forever be friends with you for the coming years.

For the ones who only call, text or appear when they need something, well, I will be here. But please bear in mind, a person can only take so much. So much that one day, you may just end up finding someone who you have lost already.

Whether this would matter or not, well, I don’t really give a damn.