THE LOWEST OF ALL LOWS

In the 53 years of my existence, there have been high and lows. There was that time that it involved marital problems. In 2019, there was that hard decision of resigning from a local company.

It was a tough decision considering that I had been there since 2010. But with shots fired from all directions, it came to a point where my sanity was being affected. Regardless if I was only working as a journalist or content creator, somehow it was something that many mistook as a threat.

It took me about a year to recover from that hard decision, leaving a place that I had already considered home. But somehow, I managed to survive the waves by taking on work-from-home jobs. There were people who helped, especially my dad and a good friend who is ironically the younger brother of the publication I worked for.

Ironically, the pandemic hit at that time. Somehow, I was able to weather adversity since I had been used to working online and earning a living. To this day I wonder, how was I able to weather these storms?

THE OPPORTUNITY DURING COVID-19

In 2021, I was given the chance to become and editor for a local government station. I took on it wholeheartedly. I had the experience although it covered hard news. It was a learning experience for me, something that I embraced.

About a year later, I got elevated to a higher position, editor-in-chief. I was surprised and really had no ambition at the time to lead again.

That went on and by mid 2022, there was a chance to handle another department, PTV Sports. It was something I always wanted since this is where I am best known. But unknown to me, it was also something that would place me in a precarious position – be with the sharks once more who wanted to see me fail.

On cue, there were people who saw me rise again. And this time, they were up to their old ways of putting me down.

I was able to rise to the challenge. But as most know, anything will come to the point where they will catch up. That has apparently happened.

Being in a government institution, I know how it works. There were people who get jealous of you and others who are targeting your position. 

Image by NoName_13 from Pixabay

 

DEALING WITH EX-FRIENDS

One person, someone who I thought was a good friend is one of them. Apparently, he has ambitions and the “friendship” would take a back seat. In all, I was no longer a friend but someone he needed to take down to get his dream.

Months passed and he tried and failed. He tried it with other stations but failed to last long – apparently because he was after ambition to be at the helm.

Now, his name has cropped up again. Although he will be assigned to a different unit, it is pretty clear that he will get his revenge.

It has started. I was relieved of my position since I was holding a position wherein I could be terminated at any time if the network wished.

THE PAPER RETURN

As early as 2022, I was aware this could happen. I was given the chance to return to the local paper in February 2023. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I treated everyone equally and heeded to what the seniors wanted. I was no longer the defiant or rebellious person. It didn’t change a thing.

After dedicating my life, even on holidays or weekends, I was told that I failed the performance evaluation and would not be regularized. It came as a shock considering my efforts. Apparently, continuously working for the TV network was one of the reasons.

I did not argue anymore, knowing that people wanted me out. I fathom to think what could have happened had I left the network and ended up jobless.

Regardless if you play against or with them, it is clear that office politics is in play. It is beyond my control and all I can do is turn around and march forward.

LEAVING TELEVISION

Now with the TV network, the same threat looms. I am no longer happy with what I am doing with management opting to move in a different direction.

I once told a former superior that what is important is I leave my legacy. Unfortunately, he told me that it was something that hardly matters. For as long as unit is operating, your contributions hardly matter.

IN SEARCH OF ANSWERS

Now, I find myself lost. My mental health is suffering once more and may finances have been hit hard. The only difference is I have my wife, daughter and son to back me up.

However, they do not know the agony and pain I have inside. Sometimes I question my existence. I even ask myself if I am a bad person and if so, what did I do wrong?

LAUGHING TO THEIR HEART’S DELIGHT

One thing is for sure, the friends who I thought cared are slowly disappearing. I see them joining the people who despise me or wish bad of me, laughing as a whole. I have no plans to detail them since I do know who they are.

All I can do right now is bow my head and wish for the best. It is a tough situation and getting new work is hard since I am already over 50 years old.

The choices I made the past years have affected me and my family. Now, I have no idea what the future holds. I feel the stress and hardly care about the joy that critics and former friends have against me.

CLUELESS FUTURE

What is next? I have no idea. I have tried to go back to the barracks and stay writing. I have no interest in being famous and all the TV shows and podcasts where I appear are all just for information gathering and of course making new friends.

Unfortunately, some believe that this is because of fame. I have never been the kind who wants the attention. I prefer a quiet life, someone who will be in the background.

NOT IN IT FOR FAME

I don’t expect people to understand or believe my words. Some say I may be doing something right. But the reality of it all is that you cannot please everybody. And now, sad to say, it is getting to me and affecting the remaining years of my life.