Letting Go to Know the Truth

Saying NO, especially if you are not used to it, will definitely be something hard to do for old friends and people whom you think considered you really as a friend. Most of the time, I feel myself being forced to go to special occasions, and I would rather stay at home, write articles or maybe watch some DVD movies or series than spend time with friends.

The experience I have had is really something that has made me resort to think twice nowadays. People who befriend you for the reason of knowing you can help them has become common and after some time, well, they go as quickly as they came. Sad but true, this is the real world so such things should only be expected. There is no room for self-pity today since if you want to survive, you have to show that you are strong and focused. People who would not share the same outlook would love to see a person fail, and honestly, this becomes sickening, but no one can control nor say what a person has to do. We all have our priorities. Not fixing this will lead to a chaotic life. For friends, they will be there, but some will go and will want nothing to do with you. That is a fact and no one can deny that preferences in the friends they want to have will always be a factor. In my case, I don’t have any preferences and taking it from my favorite quote “Beggars cannot be choosers.”

I view life as a movie. It has a beginning and an end. All things need to end at one point and all that is left is to script it in the way you would want to end it, with credits or without and of course if it is happy or a debacle.

A Guiding Light towards Maturity

Guidance and control are among the things that most parents need to provide their children nowadays. The common knowledge of most kids of today is far more advanced compared to what I went through centuries ago. The manner of living, their beliefs, socializing functions are entirely much more liberated. If I compare this with the time I had with my folks, I would probably shock them and given them heart problems back then.

Well, changing times mean changing lives as well. The traditions and habits of most people of today are truly different. Some people would want their kids to grow mature and responsible. But take it from me, being technically a single father is no easy task. I try to treat it as mature as I can so that my daughter can be able to face life more positively and responsibly. For sure, all the things that she is doing right now will never be tolerated by her former mom, well basing it on experience that is. But I am happy that she knows her limits and I just hope it sticks.

Friends will be around for us, and this is perhaps why I don’t control much of choosing her friends. I let her be the judge, and well, I am only there to guide her and make sure she doesn’t fall into what I experienced. I have had so called friends before, but each disappear when the time arises. While I have handled them with tough times, it really becomes a gauge on how far friends will go for you, maybe even stand in front of a bullet for you. I have countable friends who would do it for me, and I hope she has more than just a handful to do the same for her. Besides, a father cannot be the only one in a child’s life especially after a mother abandons them. Friends and relatives are always their to fill the slack and I will just be around to make sure she pushes all the right buttons.

A Philosophical Route towards Individual Existence

People grow up, grow old and take on life in a different approach. For some, the adventurous and glamorous life is not something that can really make them happy. Besides, living in luxury and prestige brings along responsibility on being able to live in the way that is more complicated as it seems.

No bright lights, no pat on the backs and no one to commend you, well, some people would be fine with that. People just have different philosophies and lifestyles and this is something that should not be taken away from them. We all take pride in what we do and who we are. There is no better way to describe it other than unique personalities and level of satisfaction.

People don’t really need to look further to understand a person and his activities. For each action is a reason, and this is what most people overlook. Some would be merciful to the extent that these are not what people really want them to consider. People simply want to make life as simple as they can be, choosing to live on the conservative manner rather than the wild side of things.

They do not seek understanding. As long as a person enjoys and understands the purpose of his existence, that is all that matters. People may find this weird, but the weirder part of it all is trying to come up with an excuse for the person who makes his destiny and fate in the way he wants it to happen.

The Human Mask

We all have something to hide. We are all scared to show off who we really are. We usually don’t have the courage to be able to be confident enough of who we are for reasons such as not being able to fit in, rejection, humiliation and worst be viewed as a big joke. My point is that each of us wears a mask to be able to hide these things and spare us from imminent breakdown, especially in terms of self confidence and esteem.

Each day we meet someone new. Honestly, their first impression will certainly be not whom they really are. Personalities vary and it takes time, sometimes more than just a lifetime, to be able to know a person. People get married because they feel they have gotten to know each other quite well. But if this is so, then why do people change? Why do people end up parting ways, most of the time in favor of someone else?

So perhaps most readers are now thinking, what does this got to do with a mask? Lets start by how a mask is defined.

A mask is a piece of material or kit worn on the face. Masks have been used since antiquity for both ceremonial and practical purposes. It is used as a form of protection to hide identities.

Hiding identities is something common at first glance. Besides, rarely do we see people who can fully give their trust to new found acquaintances. People are afraid to give in, reveal their inner self. Some have taken the fall. Taking off their mask immediately only to find themselves stumbling, falling and being laughed at with nothing else to hold on for retribution. By the time a person feels that he needs to wear his mask again, it is already too late. Secrets have been revealed, leaving them in personal anguish. Taking a chance to people whom they thought they had known is already a toll in itself towards wrecking the overall confidence and security a person has. So how can a person stand up and get back on his feet and goon with what life has to offer?

Finally, the real question is, when do we take off our masks? Rather, do we have any plans of taking them off? The problem really lies in the people themselves. Masks are made to cover up and seemingly become measuring sticks of being able to determine the proper time to totally reveal their true inner self. People don’t think much of this. People who trust easily, fall easily and are gullible at times because entrusting people immediately seems to be harmless is really harmful in the inner self. This is something that people do not really see, the mental anguish that people feel when they are alone. But then again, would they care? So far, based on the people I have met and considered close friends, I would say they don’t give a damn.

A mask can stay on for eternity. For all we know, we are already in another world still wearing the very same mask we wore when we started to enter this world. For the people who have already taken them off, well correct me if I am wrong that most of the experiences that they had after such are not appealing. For the ones who haven’t well, the time to take it off is in your hands, the decision on taking it off, or simply wearing it for the sake of personal sanity.

A Father's Day Message

Father’s day will always be known as a day to give due recognition to the fathers all over the world, both separated and not. Well, bottom line is, where would most of us be today if it were not for the Man of the House or so they say.

As I keep on telling myself, I tend to prefer being different above the rest. While it is no secret that most fathers of today may be considered extreme good dads to their children, the same may not be true if a husband is to be brought up. The level of expectancy for men today is like no other. Aside from being the acclaimed bread winners, they are expected to bring home the bacon and ensure that all their family’s needs are met. Never mind about emotional stress or concerns, men are always considered to take on such issues without problems and issues. But as they say, not all can be considered under this turf.

Father’s are usually the less known parents when it comes to their relationship with their children. Usually, it is the mother’s who provide all the needs and the interactions while fathers are off at work. If you ask me, I consider this quite unfair in the sense that not all the efforts and things that a dad can provide can truly be appreciated and in the end, should an impending break up between two people occur, the usual recourse is that children would prefer to be with their moms.

My case is different in a way. I have my daughter to me and the funny thing is I did not even give her an ultimatum. It was her choice and I had in no way persuaded her to stay with me. A lot has transpired with my former, most of which I have not yet gotten over, but if it was what I was destined to do, then I should just accept it and move on. On the low point, technically, I am still married and I consider myself used material, especially when it comes to looking for a partner. Perhaps this is one aspect that has lead me to somehow give up and emphasize on providing my daughter her needs and simply go for personal goals and achievements.

If there is one thing that I am sure of, I will not turn my back on my sibling. I am never known to be the type to turn my back on people I care and love but as long as they need them, I shall give it to them. For the people who do not understand, they don’t have to. Life is as free as it gets. I will never kneel and ask for their understanding as long as I know I am doing my part in this world. But one thing that is for sure, a father needs character and to hide emotional breakdowns and show that they are man enough to face the world is enough to show that people who take on the world by themselves without having to explain why they do so, are men that should be given the proper citation.

What Has Life to Offer...

If the world won’t adjust to you, then you have to adjust to the world.

Such a tricky phrase I picked up from the hit series Crime Scene Investigation (CSI). It was actually an episode about midgets trying to survive in a world of normal people whom they call giants. Truly, it is indeed hard to wait for the world to adjust to you, if not impossible in most cases. Evidently, people need to really do their share to be able to fit in, something that is relevant and important for people to be able to exist normally.

Each of us led different lives. Some may enjoy their life, while some are still in search of that icing on the cake in their lives where they can call themselves accomplished people, successful as far as their goal towards and ideal future is concerned. However, if it were to be summed up, I would say that not even ¼ of the world population of today can be considered content with what they have, what they have accomplished and what they pictured themselves some years back. The search for total content in their lives is still out there, but the truth of the matter is, the more a person is exposed, the more he or she must satisfy their needs and wants.

I am no hypocrite. I know I still have two things lacking in my life. One is to live on my own, living with my daughter in a place where I can say I built and sweated out. The road is not an easy one. Not really to blame the ongoing crisis, peso devaluation and governing problems that the world is facing, responsibility still needs to be honed on my part. Success doesn’t come easy and I am aware of this. All people need to work double time to consider themselves successful and gifted.

The other is perhaps easier for some but harder for me. The partner of my dreams. I have not given up hope really. It’s just that whenever I look back, an ordinary man would have committed suicide or gone out of his mind already. It is really hard when you thought that everything has already been settled, thinking and believing faithfully despite the hard times. Maybe being to confident and trusting is not at all very comforting. People feel they can change their fate and destiny, while I, God fearing as I am, approached in a different way, the normal way.

Hence, my search for a perfect fit to the puzzle is still out there somewhere. I know I have a few years left in my existence here, something that all of us are destined to have. At the moment, there are possible people I wanted to be that person, but unfortunately, maintaining the attitude of accepting and moving on has become my shield. Perhaps I have lost confidence and myself and settled to being single. Pains inside I know, but I believe it is better than finding someone and pretending to be happy. I don’t consider it a part of life as being unfair, sometimes we just have to move on and wait for what else life has to offer us.

Separating Pretenders and Defenders of Sincerity

People claim that they prefer individuals who are good inside rather than their outside appearances. Basing it on experience, on a range of 1 to 10, I would only consider such claims as a measly 3. Sure, we all know that people find certain looks, attributes and criteria for accepting people, but sometimes it is sad to say, that such claims are only for the sake of avoiding a bad image. In the long run, these people are the same ones who would shy away bit by bi, not unless they have use for you like help in financial or decision making matters. Once they have gotten what they wanted, expect them to disappear as quickly as they came.

It is a proven fact that people cannot be properly assessed. Some would lead you on, let you think that you are special to them or someone they are thankful for having. I always claim I have an empty space, and I know that for all people, the same holds true, having an empty space that can be in the form of more than one type of reason. Realistically, after this empty space has been filled, the scenario is similar to that of a “No Vacancy” sign when all accommodations are filled. In friendship, it is either they stay or go, and expect the ones to remain, the people who are truly sincere and accept you for who you really are.

I have had my own share of misconceptions about people. Before I tried to be someone I am not, but then again, it is more of fooling me than them. From thereon, I stood up for what I believe was really me, being who I am, regardless of what or how I looked. Disappointing as it may, the people who made me believe that they were close to me for one reason or another vanished into thin air. Well, what else is there to do but move on and live out life the way it should be? It is not the end of the world, and while there will be a moment of regret and pity on ones self, lessons are learned and this makes people more mature.

The funny thing about all of this is that I already had that initial impression but chose not to listen to it. It is something like having telepathy and sensing what is going to happen. But like most people who enjoy risk, what have I got to lose? I am used to being rejected or turned down, sometimes coming to a point to which I don’t really care. I have already been called names like inconsiderate, weird, childish, immature, irresponsible and a failure by people because they never really understood what I believed in nor was I able to explain my side, in fact, would they even bother to listen. Then again, it really doesn’t count anymore, and the best way is to just turn around and walk away from it all and continue what life and career have waiting for me.

Pathetic perhaps? I don’t think so as well. We all stand for something; believe in something that will make our lives as leisurely as possible. Some have dreams, but not all dreams come true. We have to work our way to them, and in the process, people do not understand the various things people do to be able to reach these dreams, or at least try to. Well, people have choices, and one thing I hate most is having to help these people and manipulate their decisions. Sensible as I am, the bottom line is, people will hear nothing out of me, especially if the decision concerns me. The final judgment shall be for them to decide on. As for me? Well, I am just a part of the crowd and observing what perhaps destiny has in store for me in the remaining years of my life.

The One that Got Away...Wrong Time, Wrong Place

It was just 5 months after I got married, I finally got through college after six years and landed my first job at a bank. It was a totally new thing for me, earning my keep and starting to face the world with survival on my mind. It wasn’t easy though. I had a child who was already 4 years old and a wife whom I thought God gave to me as my trophy. Nothing else mattered but as time passed, like all normal relationships, arguments and misunderstandings would eventually lead to falling out in the relationship, yes even marriages as we can see today, with the countless cases of divorces, annulments, and legal separations. I felt like I was in total disarray, just trying to make things work but acknowledging that I still had a lot to learn as far as maturity was concerned.

So it was totally routine to me. Work, go home, sleep and work again. There was no meaning fro me back then. Unfortunately, I wasn’t informed that in my department, there was still someone who I haven’t met, someone who was on study leave.

One morning, I went to work, and was totally surprised to see an unfamiliar face. She was a pretty face, someone whom instantly made my heart beat faster. But alas, she was already committed and the word around was that I am married already so in any case, a lost cause for courtship. Even though, at times when I was working on the computer, she was parallel to my vision, I sometimes find myself staring at her, and she would catch me looking at her to which I would look at a different direction. At times, I thought it was imagination but I too would catch her doing the same thing.

The rainy season soon came and most of the time she would be left stranded. I would offer her a ride, since she lived near my place, dropping her off where public transportation was readily available. From there, everyday we would have lunch together, and if she was going home early, I would offer her a ride home.

One time, I asked her if she would want to have dinner with me to which she obliged. We would usually share jokes, pleasantries and some personal problems. The routine would continue for weeks to a month. Strange but I fell and fell for her even the more, but I knew I would have no place in her heart since she loved another.

One night, I asked her out, took her on a private candlelight dinner. We did the usual things, jokes, laughing all the time. But suddenly, I felt the urge to ask her and admit to her what I felt. Like what did I have to lose? So I did. She was sort of shocked in a way and became speechless. I asked her if everything was OK, and she said she would be fine. I asked her if she wanted to go home so we rode the car and drove to her place. On the way, I drove slowly and asked her what she thought and that I was sorry because I just could not allow my heart to get the best of me. She took my hand and just simply told me, “Isn’t it obvious that I feel the same way?” My world jumped for joy but then again, being committed is still something that became a stumbling block to this unorthodox relationship.

The relationship lasted for about a year. I separated from my wife because we could not really settle our differences. But if there was a person I missed, it was my daughter. She was not aware of this and I could not bear to let go. The end came when the girl asked me that we should split up. It wasn’t the first time we would split up. The first time she said it, I just asked her to tell me that she didn’t love me, to which she cried. This time around, there were no tears. Her reason was that she wanted to get married and knowing my situation, she knew I could not marry her. So no matter how painful it is to finally find someone who would tame me, I had to let go, something I guess that has become normal for me.

To this day, I can and will never forget those days. No matter how immoral or illegal it was, I will treasure those days with her. She is married now and happy. Me? Well, I am separated since my wife cheated on me and may have probably married another guy, but in another country to avoid controversies and legal summons. Probably a sign of karma, but as a man, I would accept this since I know I deserve it. But I still have the one precious gift which I wanted before, the reason for me to try and work things out with my wife back then, my daughter is with me, all grown up and about 4 years from being a professional like me. This is all that matters, seeing someone follow my footsteps.

Today, in my late 30’s, call it crazy, but I seem to lose the need for someone to love aside from my daughter and immediate family. Many say I am just saying this because of what my wife did to me, but there is more to it than they can see. I admit that I have cheated before and the sum of all of these may be the result of what she did right now. In a way, no matter how hard it is, I understand her reason in a way, the level of satisfaction to which she is looking for.

I have met some fine women from the past years, but being in the situation I am, I don’t expect to get anywhere with them more than friendship.

The world is full of lose ends, and I guess I am caught in one of them. How I wish that girl came at this moment of my life...oh well, thats how the cookie crumbles...

A Dreamer: The Sacrificial Lamb

All people are entitled to being happy. As much as possible, most people would want to lead a simple life, avoiding complications and added setbacks that would eventually make life harder for them. While the world is full of complexities, people want to avoid such problems. Some say, a person without problems is probably someone who is suffering from a certain disorder, refusing to take on reality and preferring to live in a world that is free from problems and suffering.

With so many to mention, the most notable problems for people in the world is finding someone who will reciprocate their unseen need. This need comes in many forms:
1. Attention
2. Importance
3. Love
4. Complement
5. Assurance
6. Security

Among the aforementioned, people would add other requirements for sure, probably money, wealth, isolation, or privacy. Whatever the case may be, it is a fact that despite being able to answer all these there will always be lacking satisfaction. This is the problem that most people face, the rate at how they can be able to satisfy themselves, saying when they are fulfilled.

For the people who would say that they are not happy, a good question to throw back to them, “What makes you happy?” Money? Love? Attention? For sure, such responses will be among the ones mentioned above. But one thing that is for sure, people should understand that God never made everything easy, and that a purpose for such is made. For if everything were served on a silver platter, what would existence mean for them anyway?

Mixed Feelings in a World of Deception

I am totally in a mixed stage right now. I don’t know if I am happy and content or if I am sad and have a certain space to fill. The price to pay for living up to your principles in life truly has its downfalls, and while people may not understand or view it in a different way, the final say will still be on my part.

At this point in time, I cannot say that I am accomplished as far as my career is concerned. I admit that I am sometimes taking it easy, sort of like playing around and am handling pressure well as far as management directives are concerned. Compensation wise, as before, I feel is short changed, thus leading me to adding other tasks such as article writing, trading, and consultancy and so on. People may ask where I get the time and strength to handle all of them. My answer is simply because I love doing them and I always strive to accomplish something despite evident time pressure.

On the personal side, I content myself with spoiling my nephews and nieces who always take my stressful week away with their antics and providing me laughter with their cute wise cracks and my daughter who is growing up to be a lady now, and slowly seeing the realities of life, experiencing the outside world unlike before when she was stored in a container house by my great ex-wife at her so called successful parents. If I understand it right, basing it all on what I gathered from Vanessa, it was similar to being in prison walls. While protection may only be natural, you simply cannot hold on to something and keep it that way all your life. The growth and maturity of a person cannot be measured by always monitoring them. You have to let go and the best you can do is provide restrictions in a nice way for them to be able to know up to what extent they are being allowed to do so.

Taking my cue from what I said earlier on “you simply cannot hold on to something and keep it that way all your life”, this also holds true in my social life. People have different views of a person. Some would want to get close to a person because he can be of use to them, while others simply treat friendship for a time being when someone is always there for them in times of personal pressure. The world is full of deception, and the so-called friends for a time being will disappear after some time. This is not really surprising. All through my life, I can say I only have one true friend in each of my growth stages that I can shout out as a true friend indeed. Sad to say, but this is a reality and people you meet can be classified as a bunch of hungry sharks waiting to feed on you and leave you out in the cold once they have consumed every ounce of privilege they can get from you.

In my former married life, I tried to shift from being a nosey and strict husband towards a more flexible and mature person. I thought such a move would keep the ties better. Well, obviously it did not work out, but I am not sorry. There are two things I learned from it, one of which is, if people are truly meant for each other, they would stay together through thick and thin without bounds and secondly, letting go of someone and not being a watchdog may be an error, but as long as it makes the person happy, believe it or not, you should be too. Why? Because the price to make people happy comes at a stiff price, sometimes a lifetime of sorrow for which you have to cover by resorting to other means such as working hard for your daughter to be successful, keeping yourself busy 24/7, and giving your all to a bunch of kids who will remember you once your time has passed.

Stepping Up, Trying to Gain the Fire Again

Big shoes but something needs to be done. This is what these bunch of players needed, which I admit I have lost guidance to ever since I took over the chores of league commissioner of our annual event here in Greenhills. Well, it wasn’t an easy task, but it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass by.

Well, today, having the spare time, I tried to fill the role of acting coach, trying to teach them what I learned from my stint with the Ateneo MBA Blue Eagles last February. I must say, it was kinda new, something I have totally packed up since years ago. I gave up on coaching, admitting I lack the qualities of a good coach, and left it to the ones who had the ready experience. Besides, I just did it for fun, a sort of community thing to get the kids involved.

It is no joke that I want these kids to enjoy their summer. But along with it comes responsibility, discipline and dedication. Seeing the serious ones working their butt out and the others whom have placed success in their heads is something I will not tolerate. This is what I emphasized earlier to them in my short pow wow with them. As usual, the ones who think they are good did not attend, and well, I wasn’t surprised at all. So I just had to do with what I had, and thankfully, everyone showed a semblance of fire in their eyes, something I hope they will retain for their next game where they must win.

Tiring as it was, I was happy to see the group bonding together. I just hope that come game time, this rubs off on everyone. If not, it’s the end of the season for them.

An Annual Event, An Annual Competition

With an event that means so much to me, I made a decision not to invite any of my friends to the opening. Aside from probably getting in their way, considering it was a Sunday, a rest day and family day, I don’t want to get upset on a day that I have worked so hard on. Besides, basing it on experience, they would not appreciate the entire thing anyway.

All that mattered was that my whole family was there, my daughter, Vanessa, ever present and muse of our team and my staff to promote and sell our products to the players who are naturally going to be thirsty after their games and being under the sun at that this summer. Hopefully, the response they got from the reception of the product will boost their morale and allow them to use it as their asset in marketing the product a lot more with confidence.

It was a simple affair. Some new faces, some old ones. Safe to say, it was another successful event, despite having to do majority of the preparations. No regrets but success does not come cheap. Handshakes and commendations given, all accepted and acknowledged.

People would not appreciate such things or events. So why bother inviting them. Anyway, as I told my best friend some time last week, I will kind of lay off the group for a while. Nothing personal, but I do have some disappointments to some people. But why let them know when you can just simply disappear? I did it before so why not do it again right? I just told my best friend, if he needs help, he knows where I am and I will be there for him.

Sometimes, people just have to move on and get on with their way. There is no need to force people into going to something that means so much to you. This is probably the best way to determine which friends, who say they will always be there for you, are sincere and true and will forever be friends with you for the coming years.

For the ones who only call, text or appear when they need something, well, I will be here. But please bear in mind, a person can only take so much. So much that one day, you may just end up finding someone who you have lost already.

Whether this would matter or not, well, I don’t really give a damn.

The Start of the Annual Greenhills Basketball Season

The start of a busy month ahead. Ironically, such a phrase would mean all work and no play, but it is really a combination of both. The Inter village basketball league, headed by me again, will kick of this Sunday and I am cramming as usual to make sure I can make it as successful as last year. While it may sound stressful, providing fun and joy towards the teenagers and young kids of tomorrow for the villages is more than enough to gratify my efforts. While I expect another tumultuous and issue laid conference, well, that is part of it I guess. What is a successful project without issues, but hopefully, these kids would grow up soon, something that is academic at this point.

Unlike last year when it reached until the seniors, because of the never ending bickering of the supposedly mature players, I decided to limit it to the kids this year. Besides, I enjoyed watching them last year and I guess I owe it to them to have fun again. Funny how the professionals should be the ones acting maturely, but then again, you cannot teach old dogs new tricks and have them listen to reason.

To kick of the festivities, well it would be the usual parade of teams, then invocations, speeches etc. A 3-point shoot out, courtesy of well-known celebrity Bobby Yan will open up the events, to which 3 games will be ushered to start the month long tourney. While I am part of one of the teams, I totally wash my hands to their performance and leave it up to them to play fair and square without using my powers as league commissioner.

Good luck to me and of course my deputy, Vanessa. Its gonna be one hell of a week again!

The Color of Money, Memories Within...

In my college days, I had this class; I think it was more of a psychology class where we were required to make reflection papers often, mostly pertaining towards the everyday encounters we have both in the outside world and in our homes. Eventually, this became my outlet in writing about what was going on in my mind, and writing it with gusto. I got high grades, but usually the grades did not matter to me, it was being able to let go of such pains that I was experiencing back then.

It just so happened that I had a bumpy road back then, I just got back to study again after my first and only child, Natazha Vanessa, was born. Just like most parents, the mother and their side were always the ones to have the first and last say on the baby, leaving me out of the cold and just earn a living to sustain all the needs of our kid.

I cannot say that I was a good provider. I mean, studying again, working part-time just to have extra income to buy diapers, milk and other necessities of my child was no easy task. I always felt down, since my former in-laws always put me down, saying I was no good, had no guts to raise a family of my own… well something usual for a pair of hypocrites who would just to ruin a person and make fun of him because he had nothing to prove. Along the way, my estranged wife as well came into the fray, making me the most depressed person in the world at that time. Well, who could blame them? I had nothing to show to my child, and Vanessa rarely had the knowledge of what was going on back then, didn’t understand anything and only had one side of the story. In short, what was instilled was she had a very irresponsible and incompetent father.

Just the same I took it all in stride. I was and am never the type to prove people wrong. I had nothing to show, not having graduated then, or working for my own keep. I endlessly relied on my parents, grandparents of both sides for support. Deep inside, I was a mess and no one would really understand and thanks to that class I had, I was able to retain some sanity in myself.

Today, people say I have come a long way. My parents, friends, even my daughter all say I have been through a lot and that they are proud of me. Honestly, these are just things that I feel like decorations for a person, but these entire mean nothing if the person is foreseen as an incompetent individual. But then again, gaining a degree, obtaining a good position at a young age, being able to bring up my child on my own and owning a network of selected friends, I am just glad to be alive and cherish these undertakings.

To some people money may be the most important thing in judging a person. To others, being who you really are and not pretending who people want you to be is the most important thing a person can truly make a person smile.

Enough Pretending and Reverting Back to Who I Really Am..

It has been some years now and I have often wondered when I would go back to my old self, being silent, setting my priorities straight and aiming for success in my task oriented commitments. Well, while I do not decry losing these things when I started to build on my network of friends, after graduation, everything seemed like vacation time was over.

Now blessed with a new job, something easy since I know the ins and outs, and calling all the shots at that, well, I cant get away from the friends I left behind, and with my knack for helping out my friends in their times of need, I am always a call away. But as one of them told me before, I should leave some space for myself as well. Funny, but the same person is also no where in sight and avoiding me as well for one reason or another, but no complaints from me. I am not the type to nag.

Thinking about it for some time, I think its high time I tried to avoid them, well, I guess based on my other blogs, that I will be moving forward from hereon since most probably they would as well within the year when they get their diplomas as well. Sort of like getting a head start or so to speak.

The sign came last night I guess. Well, I felt I did not belong there anymore. I couldn’t relate and it was not pleasure I was looking for. On my way home I realized maybe its time I took on other matters like my own family and daughter of course.

Today I received several messages and I chose not to answer most of them. In a way, I employed a cold shoulder, since well, it was easier for me to let go that way. Well, that is life, and we all make choices. I guess mine is to revert to what I was once was, the serious and career oriented type of person who can live without needing to spare pleasure trips with people I thought were real and transparent. No regrets, but perhaps a bad ending to what I once thought was a good move.

An Imperfect Day in Manila

Well, it’s a day where things could only get worst. A day I planned to spend with my mom and daughter turned out to be short lived as my car’s transmission conked. Well, having my Toyota Corolla 16 Valve for the past 3 years without giving me problems, the problem was forthcoming. Hard on the pockets, I had to have everything repaired the whole afternoon! Add to this, it was the day to give out the uniforms of the players for the upcoming Inter Village Tournament here in Greenhills, and there were 4 uniforms unaccounted for. My golly! What a day!

I ended up the day spending the night with my daughter at my favorite hangout near our place. Well, I figured I wanted to have some serious time with Vanessa. Well, we talked about how life has been treating us, the past, present and the future. I must say I was very speechless to hear the plans of my daughter, and I know she will do well. I could see the fire and determination in her eyes, similar to what I had when I felt the whole world was upon me when I was her age. Confused is only normal, and something that will help her mature faster. I am just glad to note that she is growing up responsibly and with a direction. As usual, I reminded her to take everything easily and follow her heart in all the things she does. There is not easier road to success other than to enjoy something you do.

As for me, well, double time on the work I left out today. Tomorrow is another day, and a day of busy schedules ahead. Ill be firing one of our helpers due to his cocky attitude and honestly, this is one case where I am not at all bothered by my conscience. I don’t want a person who doesn’t want to play with the team of dreamers and create mischief along the way. Many would say it is harsh, but put them in my shoes, they would probably say “I don’t blame you and its about time!

Chin Chin Power Bits Sports Drink is Here!

What a day! Tiring is an understatement but to have people act leisurely despite the presence of their superior, namely me, is something that prepares me for a day that will surely be forgettable and stressful.

I had two containers come in today and I must admit I was excited because the Chin Chin Power Bits Sports Drink had arrived! Unfortunately I was not happy with the labeling, lacking in glare and not attractive to the eyes of a buyer. Second, the posters I had made were not there…DAMN!

I wasted an entire day, directing people to make it fast and surely they will get an earful from me tomorrow. Good thing that I didn’t have Vanessa join me, otherwise I would have really been pissed. Add to this that I have been feeling dizzy the whole day, well because I am trying to cut down and lose some weight because I am not comfortable with my weight now. Hopefully after some weeks I will be back in form. Besides, I have a couple of leagues to play in AGAIN!

Annual Learning and Growth Activities

It is so frustrating once you achieve something and carve out a niche and then all of a sudden, the people who used to have that fire and determination in their eyes suddenly lost. Maybe went to their head? Or maybe a change of hear and priorities? Either way, I guess I should have seen it coming, especially for kids. You just cannot deprive them of maturity and change of priorities. Besides, I am in no position to dictate to them what they should do. They have to grow up one day.

Well if there is any consolation, it is similar to preaching. Every year, a new face, a new player shows up to take the place. My reward? Well aside from reaching out and broadening my network, it gives me a chance to help out younger people in their steps towards manhood, not to mention becoming a part of their lives, regardless if this is good or a bad experience for them.

It is two weeks away from the opening of our annual inter village league here in Greenhills, San Juan. This is the most disorganized league I have ever handled, is it me or maybe the people are no longer looking forward to it. Anyway, this year may perhaps be the last one, and next year, well, hopefully I will be fulfilling the political duties I am groomed to undertake. Anything can happen…

Being The Best You Can Be

There will always be yardsticks in life, and comparing ones self with that of others can never be avoided. Such can be seen in sibling rivalries, competitive activities and even in professional undertakings. Trying to outdo each other in any way that they can is simply expected.

Various factors can be considered, and sometimes the level of accomplishment will always vary. The satisfaction that most people would get may not meet the ones set, since it is a given that the bar that is set is always high. But then again, everyone is gifted in a different way, and while these standards may not be enough to meet the ones that are expected, the expectancy level from the individual’s point of view will always be varied and should earn the utmost respect as a sign of professionalism.

Well, for aspirants, the only way to step up is through experience. Not minding people who may not look so highly on people lacking in such, time will come for them to shine. This applies to both personal and professional undertakings, where people will always have a share of disappointments at one point or another. But then again, rejection can be used as a source of power, a weighing point in being able to stand up and improve. With this, the people who consider themselves on top of the world will have to be more cautious, since the longer it is to get to the top, the harder the impact will be when your time will come. For the conservative people, simply staying put, assessing the situation and stepping back is the safest way. Who knows, these may be the next stars to banner appointment, something that may come as a surprise to all ambitious individuals of today.

Padlocking Treasured Memories and Wishful Thinking

I look at the stars, recall the past, well, some maybe memorable and some forgettable for that matter. Life has its ups and downs and no matter how I look at it, the saying is true that people just cannot find the satisfaction needed for them. Love, money, and power, these are the basic things that most people would die to have but seriously, this is impossible. Having one or two of them may be possible, but the underlying factor is on whether you will be happy with them.

Think of it, how do people who have money define happiness? They can buy anything in the world except love or a person who will truly love them for who they are. On the other hand, people who are closely loved by many would usually no have the money to finance all their needs, and would usually have to earn and work hard just to satisfy these needs. The verdict? Well, if man was created to have it all, then what purpose would he have in this world? What would he strive for?

Most of us dream of having everything we can imagine, a close family, a house, luxury cars and a good professional career. But reality is, I have rarely found nor heard someone who had all of this without hang-ups. This is not to discount such possibilities, but perhaps the closest that a person can get into is when they are close to closing the book in their lives. Life offers a lot of opportunities for people, and to take on all of them at the same time is simply unimaginable. I have tried, being a good husband, good father, successful worker in my field of Information Technology, a good son and brother, and most of all a valued and good friend. During these times I thought I was a success, but I was wrong. Like I said, love and money won’t play good music together and that was the case when I lost my wife to someone who could give her the things I lacked, attention, love and demands. There are no regrets on why this happened to my life, and maybe there are awaiting opportunities for me, most of which I am not really expecting.

I would be stupid not to admit that losing someone you have had for the past 14 years does not affect me, but even if we had our misunderstandings, memories will always be there and those 14 years are not something to throw away. The longer a relationship goes, the harder it is to accept that it is finished. But as I told her before, wherever she is happy, I would understand. For some reason I do not know why the idea kept on playing on my mind, well, I guess I got my answer and well, even if I had known earlier, I would have not interfered since I keep my word.

If there is one thing that was a turning point is that my wish when I was in my 20’s that my daughter would come back to me at some point in my life, when she would already know right from wrong. That wish came true and it came at the moment I was able to finish something I had longed to finish, my MBA degree, something that I had delayed for long. The setup is different and taking if from Vanessa’s favorite quote “I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference!” When I first read that on my 36th birthday, my feeling was unimaginable, something that cannot be explained. I never thought I would see someone put a quote for me in any way, something no one has ever done ever since I was into relationships. That was the greatest gift I received this year, and I just ignored the rest.

With my situation right now, separated but not annulled, is something that most women would not accept and I am aware of that. There are girls who have come and gone, most of which I could understand. It hurts to know the reason but well, that is life. I just have to move on. Add to this that due to my numerous injuries from engaging in various basketball tournaments, have limited my means for regular exercise and I am slowly growing fatter, something that has contributed in people not wanting to be seen with me, even if they deny it. Hey! Looks are still what people go for, and sad to say I don’t have that anymore and well, I just turn my back and wave goodbye. Don’t want to mention names but these people would know who they are. Good luck to you and hope you find the person of your dreams. I couldn’t care less and at least this early, I can tell the type of personality that these people have, and even if it worked, it would not last long.

I have moment of loneliness and blankness. I remedy them by turning off the lights or cruising along the roads and listening to my favorite relaxing tunes “The Love Affair Piano Theme” by Ennio Morricone. Why do I like it? Don’t know, brings back memories I guess, and perhaps in the way the movie went, how I wish I would get to experience the same thing in due time, with Vanessa to witness it of course. As to whom I want it to be… I haven’t the slightest idea…