My Last Ride with the Ateneo Blue Eagles

It was our final practice before the big championship game on Sunday. We could have finished the finals last Sunday but as fate would have it, a decisive match was in the works. Well, all is not lost. But I am glad to see the response of the people who came to practice, sacrifice and sweat it out for perhaps the final time I will be with these guys. All that is needed now is to wait for that faithful day, hopefully we can be able to regain the crown which the school lost last year to the same team we are now facing on Sunday. While there has been changes in the lineup, I am honored to be part of the team, something I wasn’t really expecting considering there are a lot of young legs than me, and additionally, my prone to injury, owing to age and wear and tear of my body.

I do not play a vital role in this team. Just a supporter as far as I am concerned. My last hamstring injury is still hurting, and an added groin injury I suffered two weeks ago has rendered me totally a spectator. I am totally out of shape, I can’t even last one quarter with the young turks. Cheering them on, supporting my teammates in whichever way I can is what I can best do at this point. But regardless of what happens, I know we can come on top. I have never been so confident on my teammates compared to before. This is ours for the taking and ours to lose.

I have lost interest in inviting friends and colleagues of the school. Perhaps they do not share the same commitment as I have for the school. If in the second game I was persistent, for this final trooping to the court, I chose not to bother. All I care about now is to be with my team till the end. I will not be drawn to begging and soliciting support, for I know the team can function without it. We got this far without such support, and all I wanted was to share with them the distinction of being the best. Whatever happens on Sunday, win or lose, I am proud of this team. Heads held up high, and sing that alma matter song for possibly the last time. To the guys, it has been a privilege working with you!

Something to Prove...MBA Flashbacks

I find myself right now in a very confused state. One year ago, I had my eyes on this girl. Typical Filipina, alluring eyes, she has that smile that can make anyone smile back and fall on their knees. She is about to take her final step prior to graduation, something I have finished last year. Not to take anything away from her, she is in a state of panic, same as her other friends, whom I had to chat up with when I passed by the school last Tuesday night. It was a night of intense ranting on how to go about their last hurrah in finally obtaining their MBA title. I asked my self why they are in such a state, when I was calm during my time, even having the time before to attend to other chores as my social responsibility to the kids and my village. Makes me wonder, how was I able to do it?

Anyway, in the same way that I cannot say no, I was in a bind yesterday. My dilemma was her boyfriend was not so fond me of me seeing her, and much as I would cherish being with her, I had to beg off initially, citing problems that may come along the way. I already experienced something like this in my past marriage life, and to make a wrong thing right, I would want to avoid doing it to somebody else, even if I hated his guts so much. It would be foolish for me to admit that I don’t have feelings for her anymore. I still do. I had moments of telling her that. Had all the right opportunities. I just couldn’t find the right time and spoil the evening.

I met up with her yesterday, showed her the initial drafts. We were together for about 5 hours, discussing her problem and personal issues as well as history between our lives. For one reason or another, she kept on asking me if I really didn’t want to be her guide. What was I to do? Here is someone, whom I couldn’t say no, and yet I am in the thin line of agreeing and turning back. After much discussion, I agreed to help her but I still have doubts on whether Mr. Perfect would intervene. I also need to help someone else, someone I courted before, but my emphasis will be on the first one, since she asked me first and well, I could see she will really need my help. I do not look at the output of this as long as I can lend a helping hand. Whatever outcome, maybe in a way, I still want to help her, but the most important thing is to be with her, probably for the last time.

For what’s it worth, it will be more of an honor for me to serve her, spend time with her. Whether she feels the same way, I will never know. But just the same, regardless of what comes out of it, I will be content seeing her walking down that aisle and receiving her diploma, in the same way I did last year, with only my mother and daughter seeing me shed my tears of joy for a hard earned degree.

My Baby is now a Lady

Slowly and surely, my daughter is being exposed to the outside world. Meeting new friends, both boys and girls, giggles and laughter from some mischievous things, slowly knowing the need to focus on her studies and prove to people who doubted her that she is more than what they think.

She has occasional faults, sometimes taking these things for granted. I don’t blame her. This is the stage of balancing fun with responsibility. But I do get surprised at her, how she is able to raise funds on her own to be able to go on camps, malling with her friends. I keep on wondering how she does it.

During my birthday last week, she got me a cake, her favorite cake of course! Hahaha. And a card which contained a message which brought tears in my eyes. She does not know it, but through that card, I was able to see something that she inherited from me that I would want her to pursue. My knack of getting quotes and expounding on them, this was something I never thought Vanessa would do. And I am proud! I just pray she continues it, besides, she is more than everything to me, and though I am not vocal about it, I hope that through my actions and commitment to being a complete parent, she would appreciate it if not now, then one day.

Looking Back... Moving Forward...

Funny how time flies. Treasure some memories, seeing old faces, reminiscing bout the good times. Most of them would bring a smile to my face, but also bring some forgettable moments at that. Some would haunt me to this day, some would not. But one thing that’s for sure, seeing old faces you have not been communicating with in the past year truly warms the heart.

Actually, flings, links to people will only be natural. Seeing them again will bring mixed emotions, unexplainable feelings. Laughing about them, or just choosing to change the topic. How I wish I had a time machine to relive those moments. I bet most people would want this as well, memories are treasures that are irreplaceable and will forever be on the person’s memories.

There was supposed to be a gathering sometime this week. I couldn’t wait to go there, see old friends and share old times. But then again feelings cannot be commanded and it would be selfish of me to think of spoiling a gathering for people who would be better of enjoying this rare occasion. I am just a man, a normal man and stepping back is something that can be termed as a “gentleman’s gesture” as said to me by my best friend, the organizer of the whole thing.

Why bother to complicate a life that has been devoted to purely fulfilling tasks and taking care of my only precious gift, that of which is my daughter. Nothing else matters right now, and maybe, just maybe I will still believe in what I stand for, that of which is to stay alone for now. Adding problems is something I can surely do without for now. And outside my daughter and family, I don’t really want to inherit another person in my circle of trust, if they are not deserving. Not meant to be harsh, but if you truly are who you claim to be, then maybe it can be done without bounds. But if there are people who are more deserving than my friendship and care, I am always prepared to step back of the limelight and give you center stage. Heck I don’t even want to be in the limelight for all I care.

A note for the people who want to see me fall, I will not waste my time enumerating who you people are. I don’t care who you are, and what you are. I have a life to live, so I guess you should start thinking of one as well. A special note to pretenders, one final request… please lay off and let me be in peace.

Used and Abused: Is It Relevant?

Funny how good guys really finish last. They shy away from the limelight and well, like the true gentlemen that they are, they keep their poise and composure and just act as normally as possible. Just to do a good deed, make their friends happy, be helpful in any way and don’t ask anything in return. That would typically be people who would just want to fit in.

I have been there. Well, I have met some and learned bit by bit. It does hurt at times, but hey who is complaining? Being gullible should not be the escape button to such. It’s probably in the nature of my personality, wanting to be a helping hand to anyone, but naturally within bounds. I believe that for every good deed, that feeling of warmth and that you have made someone happy is more than enough reward for a valiant effort.

Friends will tell me to shape up, learn when to say “No”. I have a hard time pleasing them, knowing when I have been spoon feeding people who come to me. All I can say is, if it was only natural for me, then it would not be so hard to do.

Used? Maybe, but I don’t care. The only good thing is I can separate my valued friends from the pretenders. Abused? Well perhaps in a way, but then again, who am I to judge people. All I care about is being helpful and making sure that I can extend that helping hand whenever the need arises. Besides, it’s not like I want to run for office or anything. I am just simply being plain me and that is all that counts. If people accept me for whom I am, my advanced thanks to you. If not, well, it was nice to have served you.

Facing Tomorrow and Moving Forward

Call it a matter of being childish, or just simply trying to be strong and ignore something that meant so much to me. Yes a person is what I am referring to, but taking into account everything, all information, pros and cons, I need to show her I am strong. Besides, the chances of her knowing how much I care and well if given the chance, to actually show her that I care for her much more than I do to myself is no where in site. I guess, our worlds will never meet. I wouldn’t blame her, she has a promising career ahead, and well, she has beauty, looks, money, practically everything. So why bother having me around.

I am not used to this. I would often bow my head, flash her a smile even if deep inside I am hurting since I know that I cannot have her. Being technically married is among them. But one thing that is for sure, she cannot step beyond my relationship with my beloved daughter. No one can! I will never replace my love and relationship for my daughter with anyone else, even if it means staying alone till I grow old.

Its time to admit, she is better off with someone with less complications. All I have of her is a dream, somewhere where even the impossible can come true. I guess its just for the best. Why settle for a used has been when you can get a clean slated person to share your life with. Farewell to you my friend, but I think I have to move on with a heavy heart… if you still care.

Striving to be the Complete Parent

How do you put it hmmm. A single parent? Mother and Father? Well, this was what I always wanted to be for my daughter, who has now become a full grown teenager. I was never a good husband, but I am sure I can become a good Father to my daughter given the chance. Not only in terms of monetary support, but being there for her in her times.

Ideally, children would go with the mothers when their parents separate. But somehow, I find myself in a rare position. Being chosen alone over my estranged wife is something that warms my heart and gives me a reason to smile. I remember my daughter telling me, she never knew me that well when her mom was around, and all she got was I was a very bad father or husband. Proving this alone makes it a fulfilling stage for me. Not a happy one, coz before I still wanted a complete family. But priorities and times change. I would still follow the conventional practice and observe a conservative point of view. No matter what, I am proud of my daughter and I know she will appreciate that one day.

Never in my dreams did I imagine I would be in this situation. I always looked at myself as the worst person in this world. That entirely changed with Vanessa around. She may not know it, but every time she would say that I am not a bad father, thanks for everything Papa, I love you Papa…. I would shed a tear if I were the teary eyed person. My heart warms though, and she will never know this coz like her, I keep my feeling from her. In the genes I guess.

I love my daughter, and in the same way that I was brought up by my peers, enjoying life, sacrificing for my sake, it is my turn to do the same. Enjoying life in the pre-adult years is something worth treasuring. I should know…up to now, I still recall and enjoy those years of my life.

The Opening..

A blog spot that really had me wondering on what to name it, taking me hours to finally decide. My idea was about the things I love to do and the person I value the most, my daughter Natazha. So mixing them all together, what better way would there be than to name it Daddy and Daughter Times, a look into the lifestyle we both have right now. It has been a really tough journey, but I have no regrets and complaints. I focus and dedicate all that I am doing to my daughter, with the hope that one day, she too would follow the attitude, discipline and hardships that I have put in my work and endeavors. Hope that people will enjoy our life journeys.

Happy Reading to all! Daddy and Daughter Times is now officially open!