Friday, April 07, 2006

Choices, Decisions and Farewells

It is not secret that I am going aloof to some friends. I have chosen to move on and well, leave the past to where it is. We all have to make choices, and whatever the decisions is, it may eventually lead to farewells. Hard at first, but there may be a lot of factors, like love, security and happiness. Remember, happiness entails sacrificing, and this includes people as well. Even if you think you were close, well, that is all there is, thinking you were close.

There were some people I considered close. Some which faded when I finished my studies. Far or nearby, you can immediately feel if the friendship is meant to grow into something fruitful. But non-communication, responses or anything that is very much different from the days before is already a sign of something wrong. It is a known fact that when people fall in love, friends take a back seat. I am already used to this, and my usual action is to just back off and disappear for a while. Why push for something where you will just cause trouble. It is better to just shut up and keep mum on the matter.

Tonight, I was invited to two parties. I refused to go to both and just said I had already other commitments. Truth is I didn’t, I just didn’t feel like going. Some of the friends I am referring to are there and to go to one would be unfair and raise eyebrows. The first one is because the person is there, and well, I am not a good pretender that nothing is happening as to why the person is avoiding me. I mean, like why spoil a gathering when there is friction or where I won’t enjoy right?

I am slowly going back to my normal life, quiet and simple. I am not much of an outgoing person, and that is proving to be evident. I love to help people, but other than that, well, retreat and surrender to anything. I’d rather keep a low profile, walk in the dark and just see who will need my company and assistance in the long run. By company I mean, someone who will accept me for who I am, love me for who I am and need me for who I am. I said it before and I will say it again, I do not believe in forcing someone into something that she will not understand wholeheartedly. Sad to say, that person was someone I was going to see tonight. Farewells are best said by no shows and quietness. I guess I did just that and finally put an end to anything that was bothering me for the last year about her.

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