Saturday, December 02, 2006

The Blog Adviser Goes Online NOW!

Blogs are alternative methods of writing wherein most people can compose anything they want and in the manner they would want the mood to be set. A combination of a website with rich content in the manner and design that any person would want to be known, blogs have become a good source of therapy and income for the chosen. The latter of which may draw conflicting inputs since focusing on income generating content would sometime take out the true essence and meaning of the entire post. Notable here is the focus of people on the use of keywords, repeating them at will so that search engines can easily find them once queries for particular words are being sought.

Blogs are familiarly known as online diaries where people share their experiences and stored knowledge in the manner they want to express them. Nobody knew that blogs would eventually become a money-making practice for sites which want to expound on various topics and genres that their website is to be known for. Today, social networking services such as Friendster, Multiply, Hi5 and MySpace, have not only offered a chance for people to expand their network of contacts but also to hold online diaries for their colleagues and friends to see. Usually, life experiences, business knowledge, setbacks, accomplishments and photo images are the main contents of the blogs that these people make. Such a practice also allows people to hone their grammar and typing skills and further enrich their vocabulary.

The Blog Adviser, created in November 30, 2006 is a project that Orble made possible. The site is hosted by the Orble Network and its main purpose is to be able to provide information, actual experiences and business related content to share with Orble bloggers and other people seeking rich content information. Unlike most blog marketing sites, the purpose is to provide useful and colorful insights and expound them in the best possible way, not only through properly termed topics but also through actual experiences as witnessed and dealt with by the person who will be handling all the posts on a daily basis.

The Blog Adviser aims to focus on business related issues and information based on actual research work and strategic management practices from real life business management issues. With the actual hands-on experience of handling a local trading company and business consultation services to various local and foreign companies, the Blog Adviser is expected to be among the top sought after sites for information and explanations with regards to varying issues on the business and management side for professionals of today and tomorrow. Links and images will be used to coincide with the posts, not just to optimize the site but also to serve as supporting proofs with regards to the validity of the posts to be made.

On the side, The Blog Adviser will also provide some freestyle writing content from personal experiences that combine poetry and stories into one. While these posts are mainly for adding some counseling and advise to online people who want some pastime reading, especially the romantically inclined individuals, the freestyle writing section promises to give worthy and reliable actual experiences for people who seek answers from life.

Hence the Blog Adviser has commenced and started its part in contributing towards the blogging era and each visitor is expected to be satisfied in both the business and personal aspect. For more information, the Blog Adviser can be visited today at .

Friday, December 01, 2006

Even Angels Fly Away

All of us believe in guardian angels who always watch our back. They are sometimes considered figments of our imagination but unknown to us; they are actually the people who care for us so much that we tend to disregard their presence and importance. Angels come in the form of many thanks, and most people would overlook the fact that these are actually in the form of people that we are important to.

Most of us wish to have an angel by our side all the time. At times of being down, of need and at times of loneliness, we consider them as fictional characters, all based on stories and movies that we see everyday. They can come in the form of suitors, parents, peers, close friends or even enemies. It all depends on how we define and foresee angels in our days.

But mind you, even the dearest angels have feelings and may eventually go away. Angels would usually not want anything in return. They just simply do things that make them and the person they care for to be happy and worry free. True enough, in our modern day lives; we do not believe that such people exist. Our belief is that whatever good a person would do, something must be needed in return. It is just simply non-existent in our lives. Or are they?

Sometimes we just tend to believe in what we want to and not believe that there are people, whom even if we hurt in some ways that are not aware to us or them, would go at anything to ensure the safety and happiness of the person that they care for so much. Why is this? Is it something that has been handed or a ghost that most people have created in their minds?

Nevertheless, it should also be remembered that guardian angels can always flap their wings and move on for the feeling of being unwanted. Angels are around us, there is no doubt. We just tend to believe that they come down from the heavens and play in our minds. It is just too bad that some of us are not wise enough to appreciate the presence of angels over our shoulders. Perhaps this is the reason why most people who show us something different tend to be recluse and just go on their way. The chance to believe that not all things need to have something in return is of our own doings. Such a shame people are the main reason why realization of such fictional characters is really just beside us all the time. Too bad we are the ones who force them to fly away.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Saying Farwell through a Christmas Lantern

From the start, it was something uncertain, unclear and a risk I had taken. There is no doubt that I already knew what would happen and knowing the risks, it was bound to near the end of something which only I wanted to work. The ordeal is not something that carried promises. There was no clear path as to where it would go as she is committed to someone else, and I having a complicated predicament from my failed marriage was too much too consider.

While I already laid down my cards and told her bout my true inner feelings, no reciprocation was expected. No demands, no promises and no expectations, it all had to come to a somewhat abrupt end. Thinking all the while that a person would appreciate someone who would keep his mind on that person only and not entertain other possible candidates or relationships that are coming here and there went the opposite direction, a shared view which only aggravated my chances, but then again, was not really something I would feel sorry for. I had already conditioned my mind to such an occurrence, and sad to say, I was correct in assuming that it will lead to nowhere. I am not the bad guy in this scenario. I never wanted to break up anything nor had any intentions. I was simply waiting for my time. But as things stand now, that time may never materialize and all I am left is with my career and close family loved ones such as my daughter to be happy with.

People have been advising me left and right. Don’t expect is what they tell me, something that I have become accustomed to. Do not ruin something that was bound by God. I always believed this even if I had become a victim in such a belief myself, losing someone which would ordinarily be a big blow to anyone for the weak at heart. God has plans for all of us, something that no one will ever know until the day comes.

Maybe I have become ignorant to love and relationships at this stage as I always feel that life is becoming shorter to prove a person’s success at my age. At 36, I feel I have been through a lot, and the only enjoyment I get right now is through family gatherings, work, and playing ball. As far as building on my relationship problems is concerned, it’s just a part of human life. It is not important if the right person is not by your side.

As for the title, this is something that will symbolize the sign-off. She had wanted this ever since the Christmas season started and I promised to buy her one. It was nice looking around and seeing which would make her smile. But after the series of conversations, it seems that after this, I am no longer expecting to hear from her as she made it clear that it is not a relationship we are having but only friends. Some people just do not understand how such remarks could hurt anyone, but being good at hiding things, I just simply took everything in stride.

I plan to give the Christmas Lantern this week, perhaps the last thing I would ever give her. I know that somewhere at the back of my mind that our last meeting may actually be the last. After delivering the said lantern, it is safe to say that this is a closed chapter in my life. Funny. Being the author of my life, I think I simply reached the page where I will start seeing the glossary and the appendices already. Perhaps another volume will be started. But in whichever case, I knew I did not do anything wrong. It hurts to live by principles and acceptance of defeat. But then again, life must go on and other areas of lives may need to be attended to, such as family and career.

Merry Christmas and farewell are all that is left. An early Christmas gift and
parting present that will hopefully settle things down for her own piece of

Sunday, November 05, 2006

The Substitute: Simply waiting for His Crack at Glory

For people like me who have participated and joined teams, it is only natural to accept that better people in terms of skills and qualifications will be preferred over them. Being a sports buff in the aspect of competitive level, maturing to the stage of accepting that it will reach a point that giving way for the benefit of team play should always be the foremost important thing rather than selfish achievement and glory, something that most people feel should be the case.

This has rubbed off in all aspects of my life. Work, family, and even love and relationships, preference to be the only one capable of handling a job or task has become secondary in nature since a few years back. Some would say it the loss of interest and fire, setbacks to which frustrations would eat up the best in a person’s life. But honestly, it is more of maturing and looking at it more abruptly, being realistic and mature about such endeavors that all people go through everyday. Selfishness is what should be tagged to people who simply want to stay stubborn and refuse to accept reality that all skills and personal qualifications will definitely reach a point where they can be facing new blood with better qualifications with benefits as well.

As far as love and relationships, sorry as it may seem at times, its time to face the fact of age as well. We all do not get any younger and sometimes, looking at life as a game that may well be on the crossroads of ending should serve as an alarm into considering better things in life than forcing themselves on people who simply have no place for them. Self pity as it may seem to all, perhaps it is true, but personally, not the entire personality of individuals. A person suffering setbacks in love and relationship can always use that energy and transform it into productive energy as well, in the form of focusing on career and unfulfilled personal goals. Falling for people who are attached, well, that is becoming my destiny and instead of moping around, the best thing to do is concentrate on something else rather than sitting on the corner and feeling sorry for me. Why force the issue and waste time, when there are far better things to achieve for the little time that life allows us to have?

True, people may not always appreciate what sincere people truly have to offer. However, I always believed that anyone’s importance would be felt once they are gone. This holds true, especially for people who have departed due to old age, where their presence and attention will sorely be missed. To which I sometimes wonder, considering all the accomplishments and help in my own sincere way, perhaps some people would appreciate it in the future. But regardless if they do or not, it won’t really matter since I do not really crave for personal glory and acknowledgement, but rather just carrying out in my beliefs as a person, not asking nor wanting anything in return. Realizing the importance will come at times we least expect it. It is just too bad it always has to come to that point, the point where even their heart and soul are no longer what they were when that person first approached you.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

As Fate Would Have It...

It has begun and I think its about time for me to focus on some other things outside my social life. Finding no remorse for the only person who was missing in my life, the void is there to stay, and I don’t really care if it will be filled up anymore or not. Trying to meet someone all over again seems a waste of time and as fate and destiny would have it, it is time to buckle down to business and start looking at personal goals and putting focus on the things I have yet to accomplish.

My belief where love and money do not mix is really something that I was never wrong. For people who can effectively balance their time and attention to both deserves a salute and a citation. Satisfying myself in the love area is something that really needs improvement, but then again, living the rest of your life and focusing on what you have now and passing it on to the next generation is an achievement already in its own. Perhaps one day, these young kids will look up to me and idolize what I have accomplished, but hopefully they will have a better social life, something I would not want them to follow as well.

For the person I adore, your life is a mystery to me, same as your true inner feelings, something I would rather not assume for you will never admit the real feeling. I have my own conclusions but I would rather have them confirmed by you when the time comes. If it does not reach that point, then I guess I was wrong. That way, it won’t be embarrassing nor hurting to note that all the while, the entire feeling was simply coming from a one way street.

Getting Nostalgic, What is there to Look Forward to?

Just got some good movies on DVD, some of which I wasn’t able to watch in the big screen some months ago, one of which was by my favorite actor, Adam Sandler. His movie, “Click” really hit me so hard and in some ways made me think of what my future would be like. I know it may be a fictional story but still the message was clear and apparent, making me realize what if I had a universal remote myself, would I be successful and would I value profession over family? I only have my daughter outside my real family and well, make me think, how I would handle the situation. So far, I guess I still manage to balance my time for my only prize from my distraught marriage and pouring on what I can give to her and my family members. But what if time would move fast and I would find myself finally alone, would anyone care?

Last week, someone told me something I still ponder to this day. This friend told me that not caring and just accepting what people see in me is a bad habit and may transform me into being isolated and caring less for what people would think. Insensitive and simply taking love for granted, well, it’s a bad occurrence as explained by her and that one day I may regret it. Then that movie, hmmm well it seems to make me think.

It is no secret that I have trained my mind to simply hang out with people who value me more than what I have to offer. People who simply want to get a hold of what I can give them, do for them and help them out with are pure figures that I have opted not to entertain anymore, something that I played dumb with in the past years after my broken marriage. Today, I simply satisfy myself by writing, working on my friend’s company and a couple of coaching stints. Outside that of one person who I really care for, I haven’t really had the drive to go out and party anymore, owing to the fact that I find it senseless being with people who look at life differently. No names need to be mentioned, I just simply took the easy way out by declining invitations to parties and gatherings. I would rather stay at home and think of ways to earn a living outside my normal workload.

It has come to a point on whether I would go back on my word of pursuing my professional career both as a writer and an executive and giving due importance to family. Never mind bout friendship, it is becoming more of a betrayal rather than a pact as of late. I would rather keep contact with a chosen few rather than a whole bunch that have disappeared one after the other. Do I care find out where they are? NOPE! I have chosen to move on and regardless if it is my last gasp of air or not, I don’t really care if they are still around to see me lose it.

For the only person I devote my leisure time outside that of my close family members, it’s nothing personal. I know where I stand and I know I can never find out the real score. But mastering the art of becoming numb has its benefits. Sometimes it’s better left unsaid. Friendship is the best she can offer; I have no objections about it. If that is what makes her happy, I respect it. As for me, I am just content being in the sidelines, a spectator who prefers not to be in the limelight, something I believe is for attention seekers, something I am certainly not.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Aiming High, Falling Short from the Goal

Last night officially ended my coaching for this year as far as competitive basketball is concerned. Similar to that of what happened to the younger generation some weeks back where we finished 3rd, my plight with the more older guys also gave out the same result, 3rd place and bowing to a team that seemed to have all the luck. Despite the loss, I still believe we could have won, but given the pressure and team politics, I was helpless to do my own strategies, with the fear of not being able to make everyone happy.

Anyway, I forwarded my intention not to coach anymore the team next year. Unlike the younger players, these people have the notion that they are better than me, so why bother arguing and rather let them do the coaching. I never insisted on being the coach and the burden that I went through is something that is truly hard to live on by any normal person. Discipline, cooperation and devotion, this is something that this team lacked compared to that of the younger boys who could have gone all the way if not for some underground game fixing by a team that used money to win. Pathetic I know, but maybe he should have jut bought a trophy with the payment he had given, it was cheaper! But for people, money isn’t everything, and buying games and taking out the purpose of it is their cup of tea. Too bad, but it only goes to show who the real losers are.

Going back, I still feel I lack the experience to coach in the technical aspect. Motivation is there, discipline and training and so on. It was an added feather to my long list of experiences and something I will cherish. Although if I would have gotten a championship, it would have been something to cherish. But being a rookie coach, many say it was a quite showing, so in a way it may have been something to look back on.

Next week is the start of a new training for the league of the kids. Actually there is also another one for the elder people, but honestly, I am not that at ease with it, and would rather coach the teenagers than them. Instead, I choose to just help out forming the team and get a coach who can handle them. I know my limits and coaching a team that is full of stars is too much to handle.

For now, I just want to lay back and recharge my wits. The coaching stint truly took its toll on me. Besides, my work needs more attention now. So you might say, I am on vacation as far as battering my mind again is concerned. Besides, the holiday season is just around the corner, its high time I spent time with my little tykes for the meantime, it is my time to look after them.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Strong Mind and The Weak at Heart

I know I told myself I should be content with what I choose to follow, but well, I can’t help but admit that not being able to see this complicated scenario with this special someone has been taking its toll on me. That is the problem with me, once I set my sights into it, I have trouble sticking to my principles, bearing the brunt of this foolish feeling I have when I know it is close to impossible for her to love me as well. But being the hard-head I am, I guess this is how my life goes dating back to my bachelor days. I never wanted a simple life where I could find a simple girl who can simply love me for what I am. Well, then again, maybe there is something in store for me, maybe and maybe not.

They say life is not fair. While I partly agree with it, the other part that does not is more of my emotional side. You simply cannot have it all. So why do I choose the impossible things, not only in the aspect of relationships, but in everything that includes profession, friends, and teaching peers to endure in what I want to do. Perhaps it is because I always try to prove critics wrong and look on how to achieve the impossible. I have proven my theories in more occasions that once, but once I do, I have no place for a wide grin. It is more of a sigh of relief, pressure perhaps, but later on I would ask myself, pressure myself? For what? No one believes in you anyway so what is it for? Prestige? Payback? Does it really matter?

Well, rehabilitating myself at the moment to where I was back then when I put the fences up and kept out most people who would enter and try to be part of my life is something that is on at the moment. I have been there more times than anyone has perhaps gone to and by golly this is something that should be a walk in the park. Well, I am surviving in a way, but memories and flashbacks of the regular times I have been with her is similar to banging a hammer on my head. I know what I have gotten myself into, and unless a miracle ensues, I guess it will go on till I am unable to walk. By the way, for the past three weeks I experienced the difficulty of not being able to walk nor run normally, and this early I can say, it really sucks. Not being able to play ball, walking faster to catch up to time and worse, going on a forced diet from my favorite dishes, what a week!

To close this, someone from the past is lurking around. Hopefully not to bother me again as I have already made up my mind with the person I have admitted my feelings to. Basing it on experience, it is not far fetched that this person will soon show up, and am psyching myself up to be the meanest person so as not to allow my mellow side get the best of me again and lead me to another disastrous part of my life. Besides, I was already replaced by someone not only in her life, but towards her family, so it’s like trying to solve the economic crisis if she would step in again. For what its worth, please, please leave me, Vanessa and my dreams alone!

Sunday, October 15, 2006

At An All Time Low

After being on top of the world, one of my most feared events has happened. I always believed that once a person reaches a certain level, it is scary to look at how far he will fall. So far, I haven’t really climbed up that high and here I am feeling down and awful for the past two weeks. Losses and physical injuries due to old age I guess have been popping out of nowhere and I am safe to say have been contributory markers to pulling down my adrenaline level.

As a coach, I have already experienced how it is to lose. While I have been asking for this for some time, it is at this time that I wished I would see the person who complements everything. But due to a busy schedule and prior commitments, this week’s meeting has been cancelled and well, here I am waiting again for my turn at her. While I will admit it was a bit painful not to see her, I recollect that even before I got myself into this, I am a secondary choice and that I am by no means a priority for her. After thinking things over, it all was good but still heavy to bear.

But I have no regrets. I am used to being down, again and again it is nothing new despite what most dear people would tell me. It is better to experience such feelings rather than waiting for them to rise at moments where you least and don’t want to see them. I still stand by my belief that a person’s happiness is still the best way to show her how sincere and caring I am and that there is no reciprocation necessary. It is something that is very well water under the bridge and the only way I can be happy is when I sleep where nothing else matters.

Basketball is a mind game that needs wits and tactics. For the past three games, I can safely say that I am mentally drained from both analyzing game plays and emotions. While I know that most people will learn from defeat and setbacks, despite how hard I take on them, I know I have to use them to be able gain experience and tuck them under my belt. It may affect my ego and outlook, but a weak person will never be able to get stronger without going through them. It is through this that I was able to stand up and become numb when it comes to relationships and personal agendas, and professional work is something that should not be as hard to implement as well.

Now that I am on an all-time low, there is nothing more to look forward to but up. Surely, dampened spirits and lost causes will lead to regrets, but given the time to be able to regroup my thoughts and continue striving for knowledge may just be in time for the most awaited time of the year when everything around me becomes a joy to watch, and that is the Christmas season. Will I conquer and realize my coaching dreams? Will I ever find out if she really has me somewhere in her heart? Regardless of what fate has in store for me, one thing is for sure, this coming holiday season will be spent joyfully with my family and especially my daughter, Vanessa.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

You Make Me Want to Be A Better Man

With due reference to Mr. Jack Nicholson for his quote in the movie “As Good As It Gets”, I love to keep on saying this to myself, especially when I am around this girl who simply brings fireworks and tranquility whenever we are together. It is quite obvious that I am going nuts over her, and despite my gout problem wherein I have been limping for almost a week now, I still try to shrug it off to be able to see the queen of my dreams. By dreams, this means that this is the only place where I can feel what a true relationship would feel, and how I can show her and take care of her the way I value a woman, tender loving care and affection without bounds.

Funny thing is, this gout dilemma only hurts when I am alone. But once I am with her, nothing else seems to matter. More than just magic, I take comfort in talking to her and sharing a few laughs. That is about it. The girl is with someone else and I am in no way going to instigate the fire for them to separate for my own selfish reasons. Love is not being with the person, it is about seeing her happy. Many would clearly view this act as a sorry act, but I tend to disagree. People who are together but often quarrel and argue about issues that often lead to misunderstandings, my case is totally different. I do not want to assume nor conclude, but overall, where we are now is practically a satisfying point of companionship. Whenever she would need me, I would not hesitate to comply, and most of the time she would just be surprised at how I would oblige even if I had things to do, or am coming from a distant place. I simply reply “Because this is the only time I can be with you. You know how much I look forward to being with you so don’t take it away from me.” She would then keep quiet and pout a while, something I love to see since it makes her cute to my eyes.

One thing that I always want to do, is to have her worry-free. All smiles and comfortable is what I want to see from her when we are together. At the age of 36, we are both in the twilight of our lives and unlike in the yuppie years, life is totally different. We have jobs, priorities and ironically, daughters to look after. The only difference is that she has someone now, who curiously is not around all the time. There are times I would ask what she would be doing on weekends. I find it surprising that most of the time she would just be at home. Weird as it may be for me, I wonder how any guy would not spend time with her the way I would want to.

After telling her how I felt, I admit that I am pleased to see that she never avoided me. It is something I was afraid off and in a way I wonder why. If my intuition serves me correct, it may be what I want it to be. But then again, to jump into conclusions may do more than harm. But then again, I am getting way ahead of our story. Succeeding chapters are yet to be written. Let’s see what the ending holds for me.

A Path that Few Have Chosen…

“I chose the path which only a few have taken, and I am glad I did!” by Natazha Vanessa Yalung, May, 2006

Yes that is my daughter who said that to me last father’s day. Honestly, I was surprised by the notation. Somehow she has inherited some of my poetic and grammatical insights, owing to the fact I guess that she sees her dad typing like crazy on the keyboard from the evening till the early morning. Writing stuff after the usual 8-5 work I hold locally may seem very hectic, but not if you love what you are doing, something that takes the load off. After years of hoping and trying to land 2 jobs at a convenient time allocation, I have so far landed them in Biziki, Candyham, and Essaywriters which complement my daily work with Merlion International Sales, Inc. as their Marketing Director. For this I am thankful to the big Guy upstairs, thank you very much!

Going back, it is true, most people would not choose a path that has no promise and one that has a lot of risks. Most would take the safer route, the one that offers no demise of whatsoever and would just lean on their immediate judgment in knowing what to do. In our case, it is common for a child to go with her mother, but in our case, Vanessa made a big risk, a decision that I wholeheartedly accepted, although the other side still claims I had a lot to do with the decision. Well, the best way is to talk to the source and not to what they chose I guess. Keeping mum and quiet, people around who can compare us would now know why.

I have chosen the path as well, not putting much effort in demanding that I have a relationship, although there are opportunities that arise. One reason is a lot of people do not have a wide understanding of the situation, the immediate perception being that this guy is a player. But then again, take a look closely, if this guy was a player, how come her daughter is with her?

Some girls would prefer single guys. Having a daughter or a son changes the entire complexity of it. Perhaps for them, they would rather get someone who is single which is perfectly alright. There should be no hard feelings and for men who have my situation, expectations should not be set at high levels. It is only natural for girls to do so. They deserve the happiness and freedom owed to them by society.

So where does this lead me? Well, I chose not to really pursue having a partner and to just plainly prioritize my daughter. People would not believe me for sure, being known to always have someone special beside me to be able to strive harder; I took a different perspective now. It is not really about companionship now, but about being a parent and carrying out the things that I had experienced when I was their age and that is to enjoy life to the fullest. I have done my time of being happy and while there are girls here and there, the desire to have someone fit in my mix has been limited, and most of them are my friends. To take it to another level is entirely different, and the demands of the usual relationship are no longer something I am inclined to pursue.

Crazy as it may sound, I often say that I can live till the end of my days alone. I feel at times that I have been trained to take on hard times by myself, something that I really went through even when my former was here. But with my daughter, her presence alone comforts me, something that her mom never did and I presume no one will top. Strange how life goes, but it is in the paths that we choose which separates how most of us are in life, conservative or risk takers.

I have no regrets to the path I chose to, same as my daughter who knows her father better today. For me, I know my responsibility and my priorities. As far as partnership is concerned, it is the least of my worries. Lonely as it may some times, but to live a practical life today, one has to move on and suck it up to take on all the obstacles that life has yet to offer….

Friday, September 29, 2006

To Reveal or Not To Reveal

Keeping a secret, a passion inside for some time is not flattering to hide, especially if you continue to see this person. Chances are here and there, but finding the right opportunity to break the ice is hard enough, because friendship and companionship may be lost in the process. But as they say, if you are not inclined to take risks, life means nothing. Setbacks, frustrations, and heartaches are all normal and will be experienced in love problem related issues. But for some people, accumulated experiences from past relationships and the manner to which they view life today also counts. Some people just don’t believe that the level of maturity of most people is different than what they usually experience and hear today.

Modern day Romeo’s and Juliet’s are not given much of a chance today. For people, they don’t exist. With the way that most people experience these things today, it cannot be discounted that love and relationships are no longer reliable and essential compared to before. In most cases, people would say that timing is important; meaning that for some people, the person may already be in front of them but they just don’t see it because they do not still see the point of it all. A good friend told me this, and perhaps this is because right now, I have not really put into perspective my plans once I reach the latter years of my life. Time and again I have said, perhaps it would be best to live the rest of life alone, but as most people around still fail to differ, I would think that it really depend on the manner on how life would go through its course. But for now, I am content with keeping myself busy with my profession, writing and making the lives of kids and my siblings enjoyable as much as possible.

Sometimes taking a load off by admitting a personal secret that a person has kept throughout the years does not necessarily give back peace of mind. At the point of revelation, people would start to think if it was truly the right thing to do. For one thing, the person may not even be appreciative of the idea that this person was sincerely and truly in love with her. A blank face, stunning silence and straight vision, what do these things mean? Perhaps nothing or maybe she does not care bout the admission. But as admitted, there is no condition to it all nor are there any high expectations. This is something that most people fail to do, unconditional love and unconditional reactions. People say it is good to admit it but not all people will understand and this is perfectly fine. For all that it is worth, it is better to relay the message rather than not relay it all. Then again, don’t get false hopes up, because you only end up hurting yourself at the end. Hard but achievable, the last reaction remains with that person.

Love Without Reciprocation

Most people would disagree. Loving someone who may not feel the same nor love you at all is a total waste of time. As usual, known for being the person who defies odds and takes his joy with mere presence and companionship without anything in return, here I am, at it again. Falling for what I know will be close to impossible to happen, I guess with my state right now, not really looking for someone to be there for me at the moment, this is the closest thing I can get to loving someone and considering her dear to my heart.

I have been there. I am used to falling for people who are already committed or have fallen for someone else. But much as it would look dismaying, I really don’t care at all if she would acknowledge what I really feel for her. Telling her already my real feelings, even saying those sweet three words, feeling hurt would be as stupid as saying I love you. But the point is being able to say it for perhaps the last time, since girls are known for shying away from men who have fallen for them to preserve their existing relationship. I can respect that and while it would be heart-breaking for the average man, this is a situation wherein a person is really left with no choice. But as most people would tell me, it would be better to let the person know how you feel rather than not being able to say it at all.

Most people have different views on how to categorize love. I, for one, would rather show it by seeing the person happy, with or without her in my arms. It’s the best way to prove to her that you are not after anything else but her happiness, and we all know that love is a branch of happiness or vice versa. Such a scenario would draw raves and boos for sure, but for every person, a unique principle separates most of us, and this is what I chose to do.

I told her I would wait. She would tell me that my efforts would be futile. So I just simple answered back, well, then so be it if my efforts are for naught. I have no place to go, nothing else to do, having embarked on multi jobs to keep my mind on personal goals and fulfillment, being alone when everything is accomplished is my choice and possibility.

Personally, I am satisfied with what I have proven so far and accomplished as well. I know my achievements and accomplishments may not be far fetched nor significant for any other person, but again, this depends on how we view life. Knowing her for quite some time, seeing her in good times and bad times, there is no other recourse for me but to have her in my arms someday. Should fate have other plans, I will simply accept it as a setback, the same way that I approach any undertaking today. But this I assure you if you are reading this, I am happy with the amount of time you give me and whatever your life has in store for you, I will always be there and smiling all the way and supporting you. It’s the best way for me to show you my sincerity and how much I care for you. For my personal agenda, seeing you and the people around me like my daughter and family is the only important thing in my life. Nothing more, nothing less…

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Personalized Cobwebs and Tomorrows

We all have our own hang-ups in life, and looking back at them is really a waste of time. No one is gifted with a worry free life and somewhere along the road, some mistakes and wrongful decisions will surely be something that will make most people feel very miserable. It is only natural. Humans were created to take on challenges to test their ability to handle such situations. Most people take on different approaches to resolve issues, but one thing that is sure, a decision made will be something that a person will stand for, regardless of the outcome and what other people think.

I would like the trails that people leave as cobwebs. These are traps or trails that people leave behind, and the strength of the web that they have built will depend on how they were able to resolve and get out of these. Ideally, most people do not really care, as long as they are able to survive the task, but realistically, being able to get over these things helps build our confidence and experience in handling such situations, something that not all of us experience at the same time. We learn from others, but we can also learn from their mistakes and their management of such issues. So what is the benefit from this? We learn from them and will be able to cope up with such problems should the need arise where we find ourselves in the same situation.

Cobwebs are usually known as something that is made of accumulated dirt and dust. Just like us, we leave a trail behind, but not all of the time does it follow that these trails are cleaned up and memorable. We all have shortcomings and while no one is expected to live up to such expectations and resolve them successfully, some fine tuning that can be made on the next experience can be done. Past experiences or even present ones cannot be avoided. There is hardly a good place to run. People have principles but do not really use them. Most of the time, they resort to other decision-making skills, mostly done through what they believe in, and something which other people should respect.

People nowadays rarely understand why a person chooses to be who or what he is. Some say that people who claim to be like this and like that are too good to be true. Given the benefit of the doubt, people should not be misjudged because of looks, past and what they want to preach. Respect in the same way that they would want people to respect them should be emphasized. Varying thoughts and opinions shall come, but for the sake of totally understanding any person in this world, a broader knowledge should be sought. Not all people jive and can relate to the real gist of the situation.

Too bad some people are just satisfied with where they are and how they can seek
convenience. Thinkers do otherwise. They simmer down and stop. Tomorrows provide
new promise. Only the fortunate are brave enough to face them as they

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

The Puppet Masters

Puppets are known as controlled and manipulated objects that are usually but not necessarily characters used in plays or performances. (A definition taken from Wikipedia). Have you ever asked yourself what life is all about? If I were to compare, life is like a play or performance where most people are supposed to be responsible on how to author their daily living. Life is something that is like an empty book, and it is up to us to create our stories, and this is something that no one can take away from us. We follow different paths, approaches and goals, and regardless of the various insights and inputs that most people would usually have to say, the ending will still depend on the author that of which is us.

So why puppets? I will admit I have had my share of being a puppet from some people around me. I really couldn’t care less. Simply doing my own deed, going through the motions of life as it comes is only normal for me. People may look at it as something that is too good to be true, but hey, it is my call. It comes to a point where manipulation by people sets in, relatives, friends or acquaintances, purely for the sake of getting benefits out of the entire thing. Does it make them happy? Perhaps, but people who become puppets are usually the ones who have already set their foresights as to what to make out of their lives.

Puppet masters can be likened to people who really don’t care bout who you are but more on what you can give. Puppets are usually known for entertainment and in the same way; this is what most people want, seeing people perform as they wish. There is no bound as to the people who want to take advantage, but all I know is that they are abundant in numbers, me included if I should assess my life to way back. Good or bad, it doesn’t make a difference. Its obliging to what people want that is important, something that is a characteristic I aim to please. But unlike the ordinary puppets, living puppets that are not immediately aware can spring back to life and choose not to respond. Once this happens, it may be time for people to realize that puppets have a certain limit with regards to usable life. For people, moving on, avoiding and simply playing dumb to be stricken of the list is what we would usually encounter. I should know... I have done these things already, perhaps the reason why I choose to become invisible. I don’t really care if people would understand. All I know is I have a story to finish, without anyone there to alter what I want to be the ending of it all.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

For Blood or Money: Testing the Family Bonds

The consideration of family genes and relationships vary in ethnic races, but the cultural beliefs, backgrounds and stuff would most likely be the best way to determine how a family values their bond with each other. There are families with a big number of relatives on hand, most of which have closer ties since birth. Again this depends on such factors as location, relationship, and functions which keep these ties together.

It is not a secret that most families would come to a point where they would need to separate ways due to some events as migration, marriages, and falling out, something that is pretty common today for most families. Family values are different as well and in marriages, this can be seen as one culprit in determining why most marriages fail, leaving the siblings out in the cold and following the footsteps of their parents. This has been the common scenario for most families, and regardless if most people agree or not, this is a reality that we see, not only in movies but in our families as well.

Many would ask, why such falling outs occur in most families. For one, as most families see lesser of each other, the lesser the communication and the more that people get disappointed of not knowing how their relatives are doing. Some would infuse some unnecessary ideas, as perhaps misunderstandings, something that when given emphasis, is a very common culprit in putting gaps and breaches in the family tree. When people get to a certain age, they want to emphasize things, some which may not be suitable nor acceptable to most people since they too have their own beliefs based on their traditions and what they actually encounter daily. A major problem that may be too much for families, but there is one and even worse reason for family a misunderstanding that of which is financial problems or money.

Money, a required necessity by most of us, especially for people who have a lot of things that they want in order for them to be able to satisfy their needs, wants and other personal demands has become overpowering, that sometimes, family values and beliefs are no longer important in the world of existence. Most people, especially the Catholics forget to look back to what they pass on to the younger generation. They preach but don’t practice is the best term. Their shield towards such claims? Very simple. They have alibis and reasons, something that has become thoroughly cowardly claims just to escape being in a spot. That is where most people are good at, making excuses even if they are not valid. Money has been used as a tool for power, hence why most elderly people call it an evil tool in power tripping individuals.

So what is happening to family values today? Plainly put, totally disintegrating and something that is only known in mind but not in heart. People say you use your mind over your heart but no one said at which level. We usually hear these in relationships, the boyfriend and girlfriend thing, but no one ever said that family ties are not supposed to be included in this phrase. But then again, who needs to explain this if they truly believe the blood is thicker than water.

Let’s face it; people today have totally lost it when it comes to family values and peer relationships. Wealth has been the dominating factor to all of this and unless you are well off, having your own house, own car, earning at least 5 digit figures on monthly and can afford to go on tourist vacation escapades, you will be the last person to be remembered. A pitifully stated reality, but true. Most people today look at your financial standing, regardless if you are family or potential family material.

But mind you, money is only temporary and can always disappear. Giving
love and family relationships does not. Regardless if you are in good terms with
your family tree members, that will always be a fact, now and until you bid
adieu to the world.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Business Propositions: Do You Understand The PERSONAL Message Being Sent?

It is only normal for people to be amazed, attracted and adamant when it comes to wanting to know more about a particular person. The facts are obvious. Doing some background checks, getting pertinent information and eventually summing up the strength to ask that person out are no doubt going towards a direction where most relationships, both successful and failed ones, will lead to. People have this knack of coming up with stories or using cover-ups to hide their actual intentions, and whatever the nationality, race or ethnic proportions, it all sums up to a goal where people may as well take it to the next level.

There are various ways people resort to. The most notable one is using available resources such as work, achievements and power as artillery to be able to get the person’s attention and interest. This will of course be something that will serve as the front for it all, but just the same, the main purpose for everything is that person finds you interesting. For the receiving party, there is no harm in playing it safe. Considering such an approach in another manner will never hurt, but the possibility of being used as an alibi for the actual purpose should not be discounted.

This is not to say that people should always downplay or assume that intentions being done are not authentic or real. It is merely pointing out a possibility that especially for people of different sexes; this is not surprising to reach the level of courtship and intimate personal relationships. Deception is something which may also be possible, but as in all of everyone’s experience, anything can happen.

Here are some points for the benefit of trimming down the possibilities in a work place environment. If a new boss out of nowhere approaches you, asks you if you would be interested in being part of his staff, would it entail asking you out to dinner when in fact you are already in the workplace where all the necessary resources such as spreadsheets and actual operations are in sight? Granted that this superior does not have an office, it is highly improbable not to find a place in the office to discuss such topics. Here is a twist, practically anyone can already know that an employee, regardless if he is a boss or a plain rank and file worker, who would exert all the efforts of getting personal information such as mobile numbers, personal background, schedules and other information that can be considered private and have no bearing on the actual profession of the person should be treated with caution. This is obviously not for a professional opportunity but rather a personal one.

In parting, people should also look at the future. We all see in movies that people put into place would usually have something to be afraid of, that of which is being the master’s pet. You sit when they tell you to sit, eat when they want you to eat and for worst scenarios, you go out with them when they want you to. This is not to act as to scare out people from such opportunities, but if the wavelengths are very clear, wake up and stop dreaming of something else. It might come to a point where you may end up losing respect and dues for yourself rather than gaining from them.

People in power have the necessary things at their fingertips; there is no
reason for them to exercise the same once people fall under their turf.

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Children of Hope

Poverty is one thing that is immediately attached to the Philippines. While it is most common for third world classified countries, perhaps the most affected people are the children who have been deprived of a clean and decent living and education. Street children, the poorer classes living in the suburbs of Metro Manila are the unfortunate victims who have to live with what they have. The people would immediately be moved by their site, living in shanties and garbage is something most of us, especially the one who are able to read this article as fortunate and lucky.

At the moment, we are all suffering from the effects of the economic turmoil that has been besetting most parts of the world. Imagine us, the more fortunate Filipinos to be able to surf the web, eat at classy restaurants or even go shopping at times yet we complain of lack of satisfaction, should be content with being where they are at the moment. We have the luxury of adapting to any situation, yet we are still where we are right now, not having to be limited towards living in unlikely places like garbage dumps or shanties where people are groping for means of being able to live a more comfortable life. Some of these Children of Hope do not even get a decent education. So how fortunate are we at that?

Some people do charity at times, but for people to do this alone is not enough. The temporary relief is good for a day or up to a week. But then what? To them, people cannot classify them to the street children who have been plaguing the streets selling Sampaguitas or the blind people who beg for loose change on the streets as part of a syndicate. This in itself is already a pathetic site. Using the poor people to do their dirty work is a crime that has not been pinned down, probably because there is a larger force at the back of it all. But this is another article to be written.

Pity and concern, these are the initial things that such a sight will return to us for the children deprived of decency in their lives. It takes a lot of patience to be able to understand and show these people the true understanding. Much of them are sure to be disoriented, and aware of what hard earned money is all about. But yet, people are not satisfied, particularly the people who are filthy rich. Their satisfaction doesn’t seem to be set or they are just too greedy to be satisfied.

In this regard, the Hope World Foundation aims to aid in any way it can to these unfortunate children. It is good to note that such an organization aims to help these children out. But how about us? Do we really care? Or are we just content on our comfort zone to even give it a thought? A glimpse on the plight of such children can be seen on this site by my good friend PARC about the Children of Hope.

The Checkered Flags at Our Own Finish Lines

Getting my cue from the just recently shown Disney Movie, Cars, I can’t help but wonder, by this time, most of us will reach our finish lines as well, but as Lightning McQueen did, will we cross it or not? Ironically, most of us aim for something, and long for something to serve as the icing on our cakes, but once we get there, it is only normal for us to have hesitations, thinking twice if this is it. Are we fulfilled? Are we done with what we have to prove to ourselves? Most of us would have doubts, especially at some point where we sort of look back in our lives, consider our past and check out some things that may have been overlooked. Do we correct them or do we go ahead and finish this race we always find ourselves in.

Some will not understand nor will they consider taking their lives as seriously and analytically as most people would, especially for the people who feel they are having the times of their lives. For sure, people who will read this will call me either morbid, vague and sentimental, but hey, who cares? These people who don’t give a damn will eventually wake up one day and wonder, that article I read about Finish Lines really does make sense! But as far as that moment comes, I don’t care if I am still around to say, well I told you so!

Anyway, going back, we all have our own races to finish. It doesn’t have to rely on speed and souped up race cars. It’s just merely how we pace ourselves and compete at the level we know we can be effective. Our views of life vary, and this is easily seen as to how we run our lives. The way we run our lives is the pace to which we will get to our goals. Regardless on whether this is personal or professional, the person behind the wheel is us. We may have co-pilots, but the direction to which we will be going will still be entirely up to us.

Once the checkered flag is up, do we go across it, or put on the breaks. Maybe go on reverse, look back if we need to attend to something like perhaps lending a helping hand to a troubled friend, or something I may be fond of, sharing a triumph with people who I consider real and worth keeping. I say this will all my heart, people will be there to watch you cross, while some may be praying for you not to cross it.

People who just watch you cross are simply waiting or going through the motions of a commitment to see you achieve something, but those praying for you not to cross are hoping you will not change and leave them behind or perhaps people who were there but were ignored. Funny adage, but my hunch is most of your reading this are actually thinking that people who are there to watch you cross are actually the true friends. Perhaps there are, but most of the people are the ones who want you to slow down on the gas pedal so that they too can share the moment.

In parting, give it a thought…What would be your Ideal Finish Line? What would happen if you do pass the checkered flag already? This is not the Nascar or Indianapolis races, it’s the race we all tag in our heads but we do not really see because we are preoccupied with trying to fulfill our self satisfaction. Apparently, most of us don’t have an end to this, something that leaves people a lot of unfinished business!

Monday, July 31, 2006

Using Pain as a Shock Absorber for Success

People have different views as far as finding the right partner for them. Time and again it has been said, you don’t find a partner, as it will come natural. You cannot fabricate or fix something for the sake of having a person be at your side. It should be of your own free will without conditions.

Such was something I had experienced ages ago. Going into college, I just came of a recent break-off with my first girlfriend, and the feeling was really devastating. Something I was not used to at that time, it severely affected my moral standards, dampening my spirits as an innocent youth finding the meaning of love in those days. I shifted my attention on using pain as my strength, pouring all my energy on sports activities such as basketball and Tae Kwon Do. The latter was of course much more severe and punishing, and the pain that I garnered from the training for competition and was really not felt in exchange for emotional setbacks I had then. I really didn’t care much, all that mattered was I compete for glory and carve my name out as part of the college team varsity, something I would be proud of.

I abused my body so much then that people began to wonder how I would do it. Staying up late, smoking a lot, drinking tons of alcohol, and needing to undergo the training every morning and afternoon and simultaneously taking up my studies was suicide to most of them. I called it keeping myself busy, not leaving a moment to think and reflect. Attaining such achievements is something that most people would not understand, but for me it means a lot. I also had my share of people that got my interest, but well, it just didn’t work out. Relationships ensued, but none of them lasted. This was the trend up to this day.

The only thing that has changed from then is that I am not getting any younger. I still try to be the same old busy body, but the toll that these abuses have made to my body and mind are obviously much more different today. Pain is still present but I never show it, since I was never known to be weak inside. Perhaps this is the reason why it takes so much to see a tear fall from my eyes. This is a rarity and no one has ever seen me cry other than my family.

Pain may be a sign of weakness for most people but if a person
knows how to manipulate it and turn it into one of his strong points, he will be
amazed at how pain will never be felt at all.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Who Am I? – Principles and Changes in Outlooks and Acceptance

If there is one thing that I can say that has changed in my overall personality compared to my early years, it’s that of knowing where I stand and up to what extent I can get to with anyone, family, friends or new acquaintances. Some say it comes with age, but I would call it showing respect and getting the message immediately.

I will admit, in my younger years, I was the aggressive and immature person who would not stop to fight for something until I get it. I did this despite being lambasted, belittled and called various names as stupid, idiot and so on. The fire in my eyes of proving a point back then was to get what I want and how. Some would say I was the person who would not take no for an answer, impressing a lot of people especially the opposite sex.

But now in my 30’s, everything seems to be on a different level. Some say I am still young to take on life the way I am right now, but apparently, putting my focus on a lot of things, unfinished accomplishments as far as proving to me the various tasks I knew I could be good at has taken the best of my time today. To date, it has only been my daughter, my sole daughter that has been able to persuade me to take on life the way it should be. Maybe it’s because she was given the wrong impression from the various years that I was never there or close to her.

Anyway, today, life seems so different. Rejection is still there, picky eyes, and critics who still downplay me both as a person and as a professional. I couldn’t care less about what they say as long as I live by my principles, something that my Dad taught me when I was still the immature kid around the corner. I never appreciated what it all meant until today, where I am able to handle a company where all my inputs, wishes and ideas are being put into perspective as long as I am able to justify them. Just yesterday, I met someone, asking me what my work was. He initially thought I was a sales agent, but when I said my actual position, he told me that I must have something special to be placed in that position and call all the shots. I just flashed a smile not knowing what to do. It was an uplifting complement from someone who knew my bosses well.

Meeting new people, being set up on dates, well, the usual curiosity is there, but the approach is different. Something like this is who I am, so accept me or avoid me has been the attitude I have instilled in myself. It cannot be discounted that people have preferences and should I not have them, I will just step back and walk away. It may be hard, but I would understand. Today, it is never about what I feel, but for how I would feel if there is no sincerity. People may use me abuse, but I have my limits and trust will always be broken. I listen to the song of the late Karen Carpenter, “Love Me for What I Am” and perhaps this is something that inspires me the most. Similar to Take it or Leave it…

As far as love and relationship goes, well, I take them all in stride. I am no longer the charming male specie that everyone knew. I find no reason to stomp and insist if the person looks at me at a different way. It’s only natural. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Not having someone is not the end of the world. It may be tough but hey, it doesn’t make anyone less of a person.
We all have our special gifts, and putting them into good use for the duration of our lives will be the biggest accomplishment we will obtain.

Friends, old, new and would be will be able to read this. Laugh, understand or find it a waste of time. But have you asked yourself if you are mature enough dealing with your own lives? Think about it, maybe its time you did instead of criticizing and sticking to your current beliefs. You have nothing to lose but more to gain…

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Some Kind of Wonderful: The Choices We Make

At some point in our life, we all look forward to something extravagant and striking in our lives. It could come in the form of a successful career, solid family camaraderie or perhaps just a simple feeling of accomplishment which can be in any form we deem fit. In the same way that no two people are alike, the level of anxiety and satisfaction that we consider as a monumental part of our lives may not solicit the same approval from other people, even our friends.

Wonderful happenings and moments would come at various points of our lives. We never know how to express such optimism at times, a common gesture that everyone would agree that sometimes leaves us tongue tied or queer. The true appreciation of such accomplishments catches us at the most unexpected time. It is in these scenarios that appreciating such moments will usually come after some time, when we look back and ponder at how our lives went on for the past years or so.

So how do we categorize and choose the striking relevance of a certain thing, such as perhaps getting that long due promotion you always wanted, being able to buy and live in your own house, or marrying the perfect woman you always dreamed of and having beautiful kids to take care of. The possibilities are multiple and it would all come down to what has meaning to a person, what he considers the greatest achievement that he has done over the course of his existence in the world.

Not all of us are blessed. We all want the whole package like love and money altogether without having to go through the motions of sacrifice. In most cases, we are made to choose, companionship or wealth. Whichever the choice, it should be stood upon by the people who consider it the most important aspect of their lives. The satisfaction level that a person has is totally varied. No one can presume that a person is happy with what he or she actually wants in life. In most cases, this will draw criticism, but out of respect for his or her beliefs, it would be best to let them be and respect what they consider the most wonderful thing in the world for them. No one is in a position to judge people by what they want; it is purely based on principle. No matter what the case may be, standing up on their beliefs, what makes them happy and of course, their governing principles in life, the final judgment on what they truly want to endure should not be questioned.
Fate has its way of teaching us the ways of life, sometimes even dictating what we should go for, but nevertheless, being able to achieve and realize these long awaited dreams may be the silencing factor towards fulfillment.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A Mirror Image on Reality and Plastic People of Today

We get to meet people here and there and all of them have varying points on how to accept a person. Most would give the usual answer of as long as he is a gentleman, thoughtful, understanding and sweet, they won’t mind. Who are we kidding? Looks still have a role in determining if a person would be someone we would like to be with, seen with or go out with.

How does one accept a person in reality? Looks still count. Not the macho, mestizos or mestizas alone. A certain mixture which includes ethnic proportions such as livelihood, profession and history as well. Age is another thing since people would rather have a hitch free person rather than listen to their old stories of yesterday, something that most people would consider even if they won’t admit it. I bet you even if a person is formerly married, a person would still go out with him or her because he or she is able to maintain a certain quality that lures the opposite sex. I should know, my ex-wife is a clear example. But in her case, it was money that lured her out of a good marriage. Better late than never but I knew it was coming. For some people money is everything and that is something you simply cannot take away.

Deceptions are part of the world. People seem to be the right one, but they are just testing the waters and seeing what benefits they would get from you. If they don’t see any profitable future with you, well, don’t expect a second look. They will naturally avoid you. Understandably, why would they waste their time on a has-been, when they can find someone else better?

This is one reason why I have instilled this attitude of accept and retreat. I get to meet a lot of people and no matter how strong this claim may be, it is the reality of it all. People without any hang-ups in life will not waste time on people who have hang-ups. In the same way, why should you force the issue. Backing away won’t hurt. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and happiness. That is perhaps I choose to accept what is there and slide back into the crowd as a regular bystander. That way, being out of the limelight will not be as hard as falling from a mountain that you have conquered, especially if you don’t know how to look back at your tracks.

Sorry but not all people are perfect. This not a crime but it a turn that fate had instilled the moment we were born...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Blog Herald Feature: How I Blog-Brian Yalung, MBA

My sincerest gratitude to Matt of Blog Media for making this happen. Please check out this feature:

How I Blog: Brian Yalung, MBA

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Family Asylum, Isolation, and Protecion

Protection and Isolated Asylum. My mother informed me the other night how I felt about migrating to the states if given the chance. Apparently, this is because of my brother-in-law’s run in with the government, his inclusion in the Oakwood Mutineer’s failed Coup attempt 3 years ago. While I did hear a word or two about it, I never thought he would really be joining it! So he and his comrades are now in isolated chambers at Fort Bonifacio, which I know is a burden for his kids and my sister. Well, much as I would want to help, I do my part as the Uncle who spoils his bratty nephews and nieces every week. They deserve to enjoy life and get the attention that they need. It is the least I can do since my parents and grandparents made me enjoy my infant and childhood life as well. Now it is my turn to do the same to the young tykes.

Going back, apparently the government is taking a big risk in trying to make my brother in law talk. Once he does, well, it will be the safety of his kids that will be at risk, and according to my mom, all people in the household, including myself! This really got my ire and I answered a big fat NO! Why should I suffer from his childish actions I said, I am working hard to maintain a clean life only to be ruined by one childish act which they obviously fouled up! Given the situation, leftists known as the NPA (New People’s Army) would go after his family, us included according to my mom. I vehemently protested because no one even saw me going out with this guy without my sister. My only concern is for the kids. While I understand that they may have to leave for safety reasons, inside it will be tough to condition myself not seeing them. I know my daughter would be heartbroken as well, as these two kids never fail to come into my room, call my name and ask me to play with them, often of which I would oblige. But for their future’s sake, I would not stop such asylum and protection for them.

I just cannot imagine people as the NPA try to hurt a 4 and 2 year old kid. If they have their differences, I just wish they take it out on themselves and leave families out of their spat. When my brother in law joined this tirade, it was a death wish from the start. Looking out for his family’s welfare never occurred in his mind, and now he is befuddled, not know what to do. I have made harsh decisions in my life, but among those decisions, I would never put my family’s lives in danger. That would be selfish and stupid!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Scaredy Cat

Nothing best sums it all up when people ask my why I haven’t found someone to fill the void that everyone seems to be filled. Even my friends, new and old, do not believe that I am single and alone with only my daughter in tow, Vanessa. Many would say I am conning them or something when in reality I am really not. Even my ex-girlfriends, whom for some reason I have resorted to contacting for no apparent reason, do not believe I am single right now. Most of them call me a guy who never runs out of girls to be with; on whether that is good or bad, well, I leave the judgment up to them. Ever since I found out that my ex-wife was cheating on me, well, the search for someone more deserving never entered my mind, well at least not yet. But analyzing myself carefully, I don’t think even if my ex-wife was not cheating on me, I had already set my sites on a task based personality, pursuing a dream towards success, something that most professionals would prioritize for the benefit of their siblings.

I don’t feel down at times, maybe because I really take on a lot of things simultaneously, and I have my nephews and niece to eat up my attention. I know I am still the person of yesterday’s news, but only one part of me changed, and I guess this can be attributed to the fact that I have conditioned myself into allowing people the freedom of judgment and acceptance. Gone are my years of being persuasive, fighting for what I want. Right now, I satisfy myself on how people see me, physically and mentally. There have been people who still judge a book by its cover, but I simply smile at them and go on my way. It is impossible to please everyone and I guess the same holds for me in this situation. I had my run at relationships, the last of which was a few months back. But seeing that it would be unfair to have someone and not give her the due love and affection she deserves would be an act of selfishness on my part. One after another, women go my way, and in each one, I don’t see the fire in my eyes to love them the way women should be loved. Something happened to me along the road, something that has totally negated my preference for self satisfaction. People who have known me for so many years would be puzzled at me right now. But crazy as it may seem, I feel that time is not on my side.

Perhaps appearance is also another factor. I am not the same physical appearing conscious person like before. It can be similar to something like, well, a part of me has been used up, and we all cannot stay young forever. A person just has to do what he has to do. Acceptance of a person to understand my situation, my personality and my current outlook in life will be difficult. And as I said to one of the women I had tried to court before, if ever I do get back the fire to want someone beside me, it would be someone from my past, someone who knows me better than anyone else. At my age, trying to pose as a teenager is no longer a feasible resort. The usual hyperactive person in me has slowly taken its toll, and injuries, both physically and mentally are not helping. As I said, age is the factor.

One person I met called me a scaredy cat and I think she is right. I am scared to love again for fear of going through all of this over and over again. People take chances, but I feel hesitations on my part. Perhaps I am not ready, but if I were the stubborn type, I could manipulate people and fool them to believing I truly care for them. But right now, I only admit my true feeling for people who really mean something to me. Unfortunately these people don’t feel the same way. So why force the issue. Knowing where you stand is the best thing a person can ask for. I call it a mix of choice and respect for other’s decision. So that is that…

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Analyzing Dreams: Truth of Dare?

When I was a kid, my parents often told me that dreams are the exact opposite. At first, I took on my experiences in this notion, since parents are the most trusted people who would not fib or make up stories just to create the usual kid’s fantasies that we usually know parents would make up so as to keep us in our stage of growth. Superstitious may be part of it as well, but the heck, what is there to lose when you are a kid when you are still leaning on the support of your parents right?

These memories often become my point of reference when I want to analyze dreams. But lately, some of my dreams, especially the horrible ones which I can call nightmares, haunt me and make me think on whether I have this knack for telling what the future holds or what lies ahead for me. Not to boast, but I often find myself making bold predictions and statements to which majority have come true. It becomes a point where I would rather shut up and let fate have its way on my life. Some would say I am crazy, but just the same, I know myself better and the things that I have been through. Young as what most people would say, I feel I am in my latter stage of life, but confused as well, because I feel that I have to mature faster than the usual life cycle.

Another aspect is that of their consistency as far as the person in my dream and that of my relationship with them. I would usually dream of them on consecutive days which really gives me the creeps. But unlike when I was a child, I don’t look forward to dreams as much, perhaps because I have decided to make myself busy by doing various things simultaneously, leaving less room for idle time. It is no secret that my current status is rare, and not to show-off, in reality being chosen over a mother to stay with is indeed a privilege and an honor. This warms the heart a lot, although admittedly I am not the mushy type. It takes so much to allow tears to drop from my eyes and the last time tears dropped was when I graduated from Ateneo my MBA degree. Well, I guess we just have to wait and see what dreams may come. There is nothing definite for a dream, and no basis for interpretation on my end. All I can say is that
fate has its reasons and I and most of us, should be prepared for whatever tomorrow has in store for us.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Letting Go to Know the Truth

Saying NO, especially if you are not used to it, will definitely be something hard to do for old friends and people whom you think considered you really as a friend. Most of the time, I feel myself being forced to go to special occasions, and I would rather stay at home, write articles or maybe watch some DVD movies or series than spend time with friends.

The experience I have had is really something that has made me resort to think twice nowadays. People who befriend you for the reason of knowing you can help them has become common and after some time, well, they go as quickly as they came. Sad but true, this is the real world so such things should only be expected. There is no room for self-pity today since if you want to survive, you have to show that you are strong and focused. People who would not share the same outlook would love to see a person fail, and honestly, this becomes sickening, but no one can control nor say what a person has to do. We all have our priorities. Not fixing this will lead to a chaotic life. For friends, they will be there, but some will go and will want nothing to do with you. That is a fact and no one can deny that preferences in the friends they want to have will always be a factor. In my case, I don’t have any preferences and taking it from my favorite quote “Beggars cannot be choosers.”

I view life as a movie. It has a beginning and an end. All things need to end at one point and all that is left is to script it in the way you would want to end it, with credits or without and of course if it is happy or a debacle.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

A Guiding Light towards Maturity

Guidance and control are among the things that most parents need to provide their children nowadays. The common knowledge of most kids of today is far more advanced compared to what I went through centuries ago. The manner of living, their beliefs, socializing functions are entirely much more liberated. If I compare this with the time I had with my folks, I would probably shock them and given them heart problems back then.

Well, changing times mean changing lives as well. The traditions and habits of most people of today are truly different. Some people would want their kids to grow mature and responsible. But take it from me, being technically a single father is no easy task. I try to treat it as mature as I can so that my daughter can be able to face life more positively and responsibly. For sure, all the things that she is doing right now will never be tolerated by her former mom, well basing it on experience that is. But I am happy that she knows her limits and I just hope it sticks.

Friends will be around for us, and this is perhaps why I don’t control much of choosing her friends. I let her be the judge, and well, I am only there to guide her and make sure she doesn’t fall into what I experienced. I have had so called friends before, but each disappear when the time arises. While I have handled them with tough times, it really becomes a gauge on how far friends will go for you, maybe even stand in front of a bullet for you. I have countable friends who would do it for me, and I hope she has more than just a handful to do the same for her. Besides, a father cannot be the only one in a child’s life especially after a mother abandons them. Friends and relatives are always their to fill the slack and I will just be around to make sure she pushes all the right buttons.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

A Philosophical Route towards Individual Existence

People grow up, grow old and take on life in a different approach. For some, the adventurous and glamorous life is not something that can really make them happy. Besides, living in luxury and prestige brings along responsibility on being able to live in the way that is more complicated as it seems.

No bright lights, no pat on the backs and no one to commend you, well, some people would be fine with that. People just have different philosophies and lifestyles and this is something that should not be taken away from them. We all take pride in what we do and who we are. There is no better way to describe it other than unique personalities and level of satisfaction.

People don’t really need to look further to understand a person and his activities. For each action is a reason, and this is what most people overlook. Some would be merciful to the extent that these are not what people really want them to consider. People simply want to make life as simple as they can be, choosing to live on the conservative manner rather than the wild side of things.

They do not seek understanding. As long as a person enjoys and understands the purpose of his existence, that is all that matters. People may find this weird, but the weirder part of it all is trying to come up with an excuse for the person who makes his destiny and fate in the way he wants it to happen.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

The Human Mask

We all have something to hide. We are all scared to show off who we really are. We usually don’t have the courage to be able to be confident enough of who we are for reasons such as not being able to fit in, rejection, humiliation and worst be viewed as a big joke. My point is that each of us wears a mask to be able to hide these things and spare us from imminent breakdown, especially in terms of self confidence and esteem.

Each day we meet someone new. Honestly, their first impression will certainly be not whom they really are. Personalities vary and it takes time, sometimes more than just a lifetime, to be able to know a person. People get married because they feel they have gotten to know each other quite well. But if this is so, then why do people change? Why do people end up parting ways, most of the time in favor of someone else?

So perhaps most readers are now thinking, what does this got to do with a mask? Lets start by how a mask is defined.

A mask is a piece of material or kit worn on the face. Masks have been used since antiquity for both ceremonial and practical purposes. It is used as a form of protection to hide identities.

Hiding identities is something common at first glance. Besides, rarely do we see people who can fully give their trust to new found acquaintances. People are afraid to give in, reveal their inner self. Some have taken the fall. Taking off their mask immediately only to find themselves stumbling, falling and being laughed at with nothing else to hold on for retribution. By the time a person feels that he needs to wear his mask again, it is already too late. Secrets have been revealed, leaving them in personal anguish. Taking a chance to people whom they thought they had known is already a toll in itself towards wrecking the overall confidence and security a person has. So how can a person stand up and get back on his feet and goon with what life has to offer?

Finally, the real question is, when do we take off our masks? Rather, do we have any plans of taking them off? The problem really lies in the people themselves. Masks are made to cover up and seemingly become measuring sticks of being able to determine the proper time to totally reveal their true inner self. People don’t think much of this. People who trust easily, fall easily and are gullible at times because entrusting people immediately seems to be harmless is really harmful in the inner self. This is something that people do not really see, the mental anguish that people feel when they are alone. But then again, would they care? So far, based on the people I have met and considered close friends, I would say they don’t give a damn.

A mask can stay on for eternity. For all we know, we are already in another world still wearing the very same mask we wore when we started to enter this world. For the people who have already taken them off, well correct me if I am wrong that most of the experiences that they had after such are not appealing. For the ones who haven’t well, the time to take it off is in your hands, the decision on taking it off, or simply wearing it for the sake of personal sanity.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

A Father's Day Message

Father’s day will always be known as a day to give due recognition to the fathers all over the world, both separated and not. Well, bottom line is, where would most of us be today if it were not for the Man of the House or so they say.

As I keep on telling myself, I tend to prefer being different above the rest. While it is no secret that most fathers of today may be considered extreme good dads to their children, the same may not be true if a husband is to be brought up. The level of expectancy for men today is like no other. Aside from being the acclaimed bread winners, they are expected to bring home the bacon and ensure that all their family’s needs are met. Never mind about emotional stress or concerns, men are always considered to take on such issues without problems and issues. But as they say, not all can be considered under this turf.

Father’s are usually the less known parents when it comes to their relationship with their children. Usually, it is the mother’s who provide all the needs and the interactions while fathers are off at work. If you ask me, I consider this quite unfair in the sense that not all the efforts and things that a dad can provide can truly be appreciated and in the end, should an impending break up between two people occur, the usual recourse is that children would prefer to be with their moms.

My case is different in a way. I have my daughter to me and the funny thing is I did not even give her an ultimatum. It was her choice and I had in no way persuaded her to stay with me. A lot has transpired with my former, most of which I have not yet gotten over, but if it was what I was destined to do, then I should just accept it and move on. On the low point, technically, I am still married and I consider myself used material, especially when it comes to looking for a partner. Perhaps this is one aspect that has lead me to somehow give up and emphasize on providing my daughter her needs and simply go for personal goals and achievements.

If there is one thing that I am sure of, I will not turn my back on my sibling. I am never known to be the type to turn my back on people I care and love but as long as they need them, I shall give it to them. For the people who do not understand, they don’t have to. Life is as free as it gets. I will never kneel and ask for their understanding as long as I know I am doing my part in this world. But one thing that is for sure, a father needs character and to hide emotional breakdowns and show that they are man enough to face the world is enough to show that people who take on the world by themselves without having to explain why they do so, are men that should be given the proper citation.

Monday, June 12, 2006

What Has Life to Offer...

If the world won’t adjust to you, then you have to adjust to the world.

Such a tricky phrase I picked up from the hit series Crime Scene Investigation (CSI). It was actually an episode about midgets trying to survive in a world of normal people whom they call giants. Truly, it is indeed hard to wait for the world to adjust to you, if not impossible in most cases. Evidently, people need to really do their share to be able to fit in, something that is relevant and important for people to be able to exist normally.

Each of us led different lives. Some may enjoy their life, while some are still in search of that icing on the cake in their lives where they can call themselves accomplished people, successful as far as their goal towards and ideal future is concerned. However, if it were to be summed up, I would say that not even ¼ of the world population of today can be considered content with what they have, what they have accomplished and what they pictured themselves some years back. The search for total content in their lives is still out there, but the truth of the matter is, the more a person is exposed, the more he or she must satisfy their needs and wants.

I am no hypocrite. I know I still have two things lacking in my life. One is to live on my own, living with my daughter in a place where I can say I built and sweated out. The road is not an easy one. Not really to blame the ongoing crisis, peso devaluation and governing problems that the world is facing, responsibility still needs to be honed on my part. Success doesn’t come easy and I am aware of this. All people need to work double time to consider themselves successful and gifted.

The other is perhaps easier for some but harder for me. The partner of my dreams. I have not given up hope really. It’s just that whenever I look back, an ordinary man would have committed suicide or gone out of his mind already. It is really hard when you thought that everything has already been settled, thinking and believing faithfully despite the hard times. Maybe being to confident and trusting is not at all very comforting. People feel they can change their fate and destiny, while I, God fearing as I am, approached in a different way, the normal way.

Hence, my search for a perfect fit to the puzzle is still out there somewhere. I know I have a few years left in my existence here, something that all of us are destined to have. At the moment, there are possible people I wanted to be that person, but unfortunately, maintaining the attitude of accepting and moving on has become my shield. Perhaps I have lost confidence and myself and settled to being single. Pains inside I know, but I believe it is better than finding someone and pretending to be happy. I don’t consider it a part of life as being unfair, sometimes we just have to move on and wait for what else life has to offer us.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Separating Pretenders and Defenders of Sincerity

People claim that they prefer individuals who are good inside rather than their outside appearances. Basing it on experience, on a range of 1 to 10, I would only consider such claims as a measly 3. Sure, we all know that people find certain looks, attributes and criteria for accepting people, but sometimes it is sad to say, that such claims are only for the sake of avoiding a bad image. In the long run, these people are the same ones who would shy away bit by bi, not unless they have use for you like help in financial or decision making matters. Once they have gotten what they wanted, expect them to disappear as quickly as they came.

It is a proven fact that people cannot be properly assessed. Some would lead you on, let you think that you are special to them or someone they are thankful for having. I always claim I have an empty space, and I know that for all people, the same holds true, having an empty space that can be in the form of more than one type of reason. Realistically, after this empty space has been filled, the scenario is similar to that of a “No Vacancy” sign when all accommodations are filled. In friendship, it is either they stay or go, and expect the ones to remain, the people who are truly sincere and accept you for who you really are.

I have had my own share of misconceptions about people. Before I tried to be someone I am not, but then again, it is more of fooling me than them. From thereon, I stood up for what I believe was really me, being who I am, regardless of what or how I looked. Disappointing as it may, the people who made me believe that they were close to me for one reason or another vanished into thin air. Well, what else is there to do but move on and live out life the way it should be? It is not the end of the world, and while there will be a moment of regret and pity on ones self, lessons are learned and this makes people more mature.

The funny thing about all of this is that I already had that initial impression but chose not to listen to it. It is something like having telepathy and sensing what is going to happen. But like most people who enjoy risk, what have I got to lose? I am used to being rejected or turned down, sometimes coming to a point to which I don’t really care. I have already been called names like inconsiderate, weird, childish, immature, irresponsible and a failure by people because they never really understood what I believed in nor was I able to explain my side, in fact, would they even bother to listen. Then again, it really doesn’t count anymore, and the best way is to just turn around and walk away from it all and continue what life and career have waiting for me.

Pathetic perhaps? I don’t think so as well. We all stand for something; believe in something that will make our lives as leisurely as possible. Some have dreams, but not all dreams come true. We have to work our way to them, and in the process, people do not understand the various things people do to be able to reach these dreams, or at least try to. Well, people have choices, and one thing I hate most is having to help these people and manipulate their decisions. Sensible as I am, the bottom line is, people will hear nothing out of me, especially if the decision concerns me. The final judgment shall be for them to decide on. As for me? Well, I am just a part of the crowd and observing what perhaps destiny has in store for me in the remaining years of my life.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

The One that Got Away...Wrong Time, Wrong Place

It was just 5 months after I got married, I finally got through college after six years and landed my first job at a bank. It was a totally new thing for me, earning my keep and starting to face the world with survival on my mind. It wasn’t easy though. I had a child who was already 4 years old and a wife whom I thought God gave to me as my trophy. Nothing else mattered but as time passed, like all normal relationships, arguments and misunderstandings would eventually lead to falling out in the relationship, yes even marriages as we can see today, with the countless cases of divorces, annulments, and legal separations. I felt like I was in total disarray, just trying to make things work but acknowledging that I still had a lot to learn as far as maturity was concerned.

So it was totally routine to me. Work, go home, sleep and work again. There was no meaning fro me back then. Unfortunately, I wasn’t informed that in my department, there was still someone who I haven’t met, someone who was on study leave.

One morning, I went to work, and was totally surprised to see an unfamiliar face. She was a pretty face, someone whom instantly made my heart beat faster. But alas, she was already committed and the word around was that I am married already so in any case, a lost cause for courtship. Even though, at times when I was working on the computer, she was parallel to my vision, I sometimes find myself staring at her, and she would catch me looking at her to which I would look at a different direction. At times, I thought it was imagination but I too would catch her doing the same thing.

The rainy season soon came and most of the time she would be left stranded. I would offer her a ride, since she lived near my place, dropping her off where public transportation was readily available. From there, everyday we would have lunch together, and if she was going home early, I would offer her a ride home.

One time, I asked her if she would want to have dinner with me to which she obliged. We would usually share jokes, pleasantries and some personal problems. The routine would continue for weeks to a month. Strange but I fell and fell for her even the more, but I knew I would have no place in her heart since she loved another.

One night, I asked her out, took her on a private candlelight dinner. We did the usual things, jokes, laughing all the time. But suddenly, I felt the urge to ask her and admit to her what I felt. Like what did I have to lose? So I did. She was sort of shocked in a way and became speechless. I asked her if everything was OK, and she said she would be fine. I asked her if she wanted to go home so we rode the car and drove to her place. On the way, I drove slowly and asked her what she thought and that I was sorry because I just could not allow my heart to get the best of me. She took my hand and just simply told me, “Isn’t it obvious that I feel the same way?” My world jumped for joy but then again, being committed is still something that became a stumbling block to this unorthodox relationship.

The relationship lasted for about a year. I separated from my wife because we could not really settle our differences. But if there was a person I missed, it was my daughter. She was not aware of this and I could not bear to let go. The end came when the girl asked me that we should split up. It wasn’t the first time we would split up. The first time she said it, I just asked her to tell me that she didn’t love me, to which she cried. This time around, there were no tears. Her reason was that she wanted to get married and knowing my situation, she knew I could not marry her. So no matter how painful it is to finally find someone who would tame me, I had to let go, something I guess that has become normal for me.

To this day, I can and will never forget those days. No matter how immoral or illegal it was, I will treasure those days with her. She is married now and happy. Me? Well, I am separated since my wife cheated on me and may have probably married another guy, but in another country to avoid controversies and legal summons. Probably a sign of karma, but as a man, I would accept this since I know I deserve it. But I still have the one precious gift which I wanted before, the reason for me to try and work things out with my wife back then, my daughter is with me, all grown up and about 4 years from being a professional like me. This is all that matters, seeing someone follow my footsteps.

Today, in my late 30’s, call it crazy, but I seem to lose the need for someone to love aside from my daughter and immediate family. Many say I am just saying this because of what my wife did to me, but there is more to it than they can see. I admit that I have cheated before and the sum of all of these may be the result of what she did right now. In a way, no matter how hard it is, I understand her reason in a way, the level of satisfaction to which she is looking for.

I have met some fine women from the past years, but being in the situation I am, I don’t expect to get anywhere with them more than friendship.
The world is full of lose ends, and I guess I am caught in one of them. How I wish that girl came at this moment of my life...oh well, thats how the cookie crumbles...