Friday, March 23, 2007

You Just Can’t an Old Dog New Tricks

This is an old familiar phrase that goes out to most of the elderly people today that are just hardheaded and refuse to change their ways for the belief that they know that something good will come out of it all. Unfortunately, I am one of these stubborn people. Maybe I just won’t learn to stop giving in to intuition and continue to become a fool.

It has been my character to trust easily, relying heavily on word of mouth telephone conversations to get to know people who suddenly enter my life. I have this knack of immediately falling for girls, even if I haven’t had the chance to be with them. Despite numerous warnings from dear friends and family members, I still choose to stand by what I believe in, that of which is to accept people in equal footing with actual people in real life.

I haven’t had much luck lately. I have just been from a failed marriage where my ex–wife was having an affair under my nose without my knowledge. This was based on trust since all the while I thought marriage was a secure and sacred thing that people would respect. I was wrong. Unknown to me, there was already an affair going on and I just let it happen. Too much for relying on trust in marriages is it not?

Then after some months, I tried my hand in courtship. I went as far as trying to be super nice, playing dumb and giving in to all their needs. After all that has been said and done, it turns out, none of the efforts were rewarding. I went through three courtship engagements, all of which failed and kept me at an all time low. The last one was the most bitter. I really thought she loved me. As I found out, it was only I who wanted to believe in it.

But thanks to writing and keeping myself busy, I was able to recover and find meaning by simply working my butt off through working practically 24/7. What else was there to ruin my life in its prime stages?

Then came this girl, who was supposedly an ex-girlfriend of my ex-wife’s current bf. They had a relationship concurrent to what they have now. Feeling pitiful and sorry for the girl, I offered help to the extent of taking her in and offering to help her get the life that is due to her. She is still young and has a lot to experience. I even went to the extent of buying a new phone and get a prepaid line that was solely dedicated to her. I racked up telephone bills that most people would call crazy. Never missed a beat and texted or called her at anytime she was available. What the heck was I doing?

At some point, I was already on the verge of giving up since I was already in a stage of confusion, what is it with this girl that keeps me motivated and attracted? I haven’t even seen her but yet I feel like I owe it to help her in my own sincere way. She supposedly had plans of living near me, but for some reason, there is always a delay in the plans. To top it all off, just a week ago, she claimed to have lost her phone when somebody snatched it from her while she was out. The funny thing about it was all this time she told me that the phone never left the house and all of a sudden it gets snatched from no where? Quite a coincidence.

I got a message the next day from an unknown number asking if this was my number and telling me about the ordeal. With nothing to do, I simply replied with an OK message and waited, waited and waited. I sent one message asking her friend to tell her to e-mail me. No replies and no e-mail.

One day, I thought of asking my daughter what she would look for in a partner I would choose and among the girls she knew around me, who would be closest to her heart. None of them made the grade and when I brought up the name of the girl, she just told me to wake up. Anybody associated with my ex-wife is up to no good.

As it stands, it took a 16 year old girl to open my eyes and bring me back to reality. There is no reality in imaginary friends. I will admit that I was hurt by it but as always, I just shrug it off and try to get back to my senses. It is apparent that the girl has informally said goodbye and to hear from her again would become a miracle.

Why has God given me this kind of life? I haven’t the slightest idea. Maybe it is the price for being successful in career, giving me custody of my daughter or being too nice to people around me when in the end they would just be using me. I am in no position to question the Lord, but with no one decent to talk to, all I can do is go to what I best recourse to, that is of writing with all my heart.

I always catch myself staring blankly. Thinking of the past, the present and the future. What does life have in store for someone who has been forced to mature early and feel like he has grown old through the years? Questions and setbacks are aplenty in this colorful life that God has given me. I guess I just have to hold back my emotions and start to live life in reality. Believing in old practices which were instilled by my forefathers is simply frustrating.

I can only wish the people who contributed to these setbacks a hearty good luck. Thank you for making me believe and making me look like a fool. For what it is worth, this fool will always remain as he is, a fool for all seasons.

Monday, January 29, 2007

When Bird’s Fly to the Morning Sun

Keeping an eye on the little things of life can always become amazing at times. Most people dream of being among the clouds and looking down on people after their time has come. However, the thing is, some people just don’t know how to look back at all the good things that people have to offer, only caring about themselves rather than lending or repaying all the efforts and hardships that these people have given them through the years.

No doubt those experiences can become disturbing. It is a matter of caring only for one’s self and neglecting the needs of others, parents and relatives included. There is a fine line between sincerity and the ability of people with regards to providing support and being there once the need arises. But with the evil of money and wealth, people could care less and would rather see a person die rather than cherish their importance and parts in their lives.

Such can be traced towards cultural and ethnic growth. Not all people would have a memorable past but regardless, caring more about your financial capacity and stature has to be a pathetic sight. Imagine an old woman, helpless and motionless. Spending millions just to keep her alive and all you would think about is keeping the money you have for yourself. Let us be more concise, imagine that was your mother or father, would you think twice about wanting to see them alive or dead and just get your inheritance and let them die due to lack of support?

People have varying insights on such. But in such instances, money seems to be worthless if only people would give value towards existence of people who are dear to them regardless of what the past is. Life can not be replaced, money can be earned. So what is the point of comparison between the two if any?

There are people who do not earn much but are willing to help even with nothing in return. Why these people do this is something I can sum up to values. It is not a requirement to give back what you have gotten. It is a matter of putting values into focus. If only the dead can talk, maybe their disappointments can be heard.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Shining at the Right Moment

Sit back for a minute and reflect. What if fate was altered and you would find yourself thinking back to your childhood? Would you say that life has dramatically changed and what you have now would be something that you really didn’t bargain for?

Surely, there are a lot of people who have given this some thought. Our lives will always encounter changes in their proper course and this is a reality rather than a fantasy. We may all be in a dream world, but this dream world may not turn out in our favor at times.

Making the best out of what life has to give should always be in our thought. We would all know what to do and why we should do them. There is no right or wrong, only a decision to which we will all abide and respect. We cannot alter the course of our lives nor can we go back to correct the mistakes. But what we can do is make the past our point of reference when we make current and future decisions not only for us, but for our future genes who will carry our name.

Such can be considered a legacy of sorts. We make our own name and we know for a fact to which extent we want ourselves to be in. There are no regrets for the decisions we make. It is something we believe that is right regardless if they are right or wrong in the minds of many. The main thing is doing the right thing at the prime of your life. We only get this opportunity once so we should all abide by it.

People will get hurt by decisions made by others, especially if they are found on the losing end. But this is only temporary. Being hurt and depressed is only normal and a part of life. We may shed a tear or a wide grin. We all have feelings and these are normal reactions. This is nothing to be ashamed of.

But the sun shines in our lives as well. We cannot move on and attend to other parts of our lives without confidence and belief in ourselves. There will always be rumor mongers abound. But this should not be made an excuse for our shortcomings. A person may choose to prove them wrong but in essence it is uncalled for.

What is important is that dreams are guides regardless of the results. Abide by it and stand tall. No one has the right to judge others by mere experience. It is a right instilled to us all. So catch your dreams and makes the right move. You may only have one shot at it in your lifetime.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

2006 Review and 2007 Forecasts!

Each year, anyone would ask, what would be your New Year’s Resolution? Usually, I would not answer and if ever I did have one, I would keep it to myself. I believe in making resolution by putting action on to them and seeing fate have its way. It is better than allowing our mouths getting the best of us.

The Year in Review
Okay so by this time, 2006 will be closing and looking back, the year was not so bad. While it started out tough knowing you were cheated by your ex-wife for several years after implanting in your mind that you were the one who had the problem, it sucks to know that you were right all along. Well, touché and hurrah, maybe my third eye was really there but I just didn’t listen or look through it.

Social Life
On the side of love life, well it didn’t start out that well also. For the sake of not wanting to hurt another person’s feeling by failing to be the man of her dreams, I called it quits since that relationship would be sort of one-sided. Would you believe I forgot how to love? Anyway, if there is one thing I hate is that of thinking only of you. I had some love interests but as usual, most of them faltered. But the big story was that it didn’t devastate me that much compared to the previous years.

The result however was a recluse attitude and choosing to isolate myself from friends whom I had apprehensions with regards to sincerity. Unlike in the previous years, I cut short my gimmicks and attendance in social gatherings. Besides what would one less person do to spoil their fun?

Career and Commitments
On the career side, I am still far from satisfied despite being appointed the General Manager per se. While it was only the title that changed, the challenge to grow the business and run it as my own was too good to let up. Going through pressure and the demands of the owners was simply mind boggling but was capped off with the opportunity to renegotiate with our counterparts in Taiwan, not to mention being able to travel outside the country once again after 26 years. For 2007, the renewed vigor and optimistic forecasts are something I am very enthusiastic about. I am almost 100% sure that most of them will be attained. I have no explanation but they are just gut feelings which I am confident.

On the side, there were the usual sports organizing as the bowling and basketball tournaments and first coaching stints with my boys. Overall they were memorable and satisfactory. Having proven my theories tested was an accomplishment as well.

There was of course my farewell stint with the Ateneo MBA team in both basketball and bowling. Being a member of the champion teams for both sports was really something that I cherished, although it was also my official goodbye to the professional school. I also took out intentionally in my friendster list, people who only used me and are insincere.

On my blogging and writing, I would say it was indeed a big help. Handling Biziki and some other per contract gigs helped a lot, especially in financing the needs of me and my family in crucial stages of the year. I am thankful to the Lord for still being there to give me such graces. My best Christmas gift was that of coming back home to Mark Saunders, my original creator who gave me the big break and exposed me to the world of online writing and blogging. I am back handling various blogs for Mark and that is the highlight and best Christmas gift I ever got.

Family and Friends
For family, it will be the final year before my unica hija will finally march towards college. While it seemed awkward for me at first since it seemed like only yesterday that I was taking these entrance exams myself, being there and seeing my daughter all grown-up had me teary-eyed.

But then again, she is moving towards being an adult and I am just proud to be the one to see her grow into one. Not to mention are her accomplishments and growth into independency when I fired her so-called tutor who was merely after money. Joining and winning such contests as the First Place in the Story Writing contest really brought joy to my heart and hopefully stepped up her confidence level with regards to accomplishing something if she really puts her heart into it.

This is something her mom never believed in. I am glad she believed in it and is now putting it into good use.

Family was still the same. I still have my cute niece and nephews to take away my headaches, spoiling them every time I see them as usual. My week just cannot be complete without playing with them.

Devastating would be the thought that my grandmother may be lying on her deathbed, something of which I still refuse to believe owing to the fact that she seems strong to live for another 10 years. But I am not God to make such a claim and I leave it up to the One in Heaven to decide her fate.

Plans to move out and occupy my dad’s condominium in Mandaluyong are in the works since eventually this house will be sold. The worth of the house is more important to my relatives and well, it is just as well since I won’t see and may have the peace of mind of focusing on what I want to prove, and this is to be successful and care less for people who look down on me so much that they want to see me fall.

Ex-wife, last I heard she was working in a call-center and having a hard-time coping up with life. Well, money isn’t the only thing important in life but for their side I guess it is. Nevertheless, Vanessa and I still included her in our prayers before I left for Taiwan in December.

What Now in 2007?
For 2007, Outisde the usual Feng Shui readings which warned me to take care of my health and tighten my financial belt despite influx of financial resources, I am optimistic of looking for more writing and blog jobs to aid my monthly financial needs.

For work, I see a good year as long as my marketing and business plans are met. But if my hunches are correct, it will be a fruitful and successful year for me and the company. I can see myself traveling again this year, but as for the destination, I have no idea.

For my daughter, I see her finally pursuing her career as it should be. Business, Computer Science or Journalism, the choice is hers to make.

For my friends, well, I will still stick to my decision of choosing wisely. There are users and they are people I will choose to avoid rather to engage in. It’s better at that since I have no use for them.

For my family, well, although it seems we will be parting soon, I will make every effort of finding ways for us to be still close. Again this only covers my immediate family.

For writing, I am praying for a smoother and harmonious influx of projects and blogs. Doing something I love and earning from it as well is simply the best thing that ever happened to me.

For enemies such as my former money-sucking in-laws, well, no comment. I’ll just ignore them and let them be. But reconciliation is definitely out of the picture, even if you kiss my ass.

For relationships? Hmmm, hehe, hrmmmm. I think I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there. While I wanted someone so much, it seems like a lost cause but no regrets. As long as she is happy, that’s a closed chapter in my life already. For others, well prospects? Cannot think of one, all I care about is career success for now.

Happy New Year! Welcome 2007, hopefully another break-out year!