Sunday, October 29, 2006

Getting Nostalgic, What is there to Look Forward to?

Just got some good movies on DVD, some of which I wasn’t able to watch in the big screen some months ago, one of which was by my favorite actor, Adam Sandler. His movie, “Click” really hit me so hard and in some ways made me think of what my future would be like. I know it may be a fictional story but still the message was clear and apparent, making me realize what if I had a universal remote myself, would I be successful and would I value profession over family? I only have my daughter outside my real family and well, make me think, how I would handle the situation. So far, I guess I still manage to balance my time for my only prize from my distraught marriage and pouring on what I can give to her and my family members. But what if time would move fast and I would find myself finally alone, would anyone care?

Last week, someone told me something I still ponder to this day. This friend told me that not caring and just accepting what people see in me is a bad habit and may transform me into being isolated and caring less for what people would think. Insensitive and simply taking love for granted, well, it’s a bad occurrence as explained by her and that one day I may regret it. Then that movie, hmmm well it seems to make me think.

It is no secret that I have trained my mind to simply hang out with people who value me more than what I have to offer. People who simply want to get a hold of what I can give them, do for them and help them out with are pure figures that I have opted not to entertain anymore, something that I played dumb with in the past years after my broken marriage. Today, I simply satisfy myself by writing, working on my friend’s company and a couple of coaching stints. Outside that of one person who I really care for, I haven’t really had the drive to go out and party anymore, owing to the fact that I find it senseless being with people who look at life differently. No names need to be mentioned, I just simply took the easy way out by declining invitations to parties and gatherings. I would rather stay at home and think of ways to earn a living outside my normal workload.

It has come to a point on whether I would go back on my word of pursuing my professional career both as a writer and an executive and giving due importance to family. Never mind bout friendship, it is becoming more of a betrayal rather than a pact as of late. I would rather keep contact with a chosen few rather than a whole bunch that have disappeared one after the other. Do I care find out where they are? NOPE! I have chosen to move on and regardless if it is my last gasp of air or not, I don’t really care if they are still around to see me lose it.

For the only person I devote my leisure time outside that of my close family members, it’s nothing personal. I know where I stand and I know I can never find out the real score. But mastering the art of becoming numb has its benefits. Sometimes it’s better left unsaid. Friendship is the best she can offer; I have no objections about it. If that is what makes her happy, I respect it. As for me, I am just content being in the sidelines, a spectator who prefers not to be in the limelight, something I believe is for attention seekers, something I am certainly not.

No comments: