Monday, July 31, 2006

Using Pain as a Shock Absorber for Success

People have different views as far as finding the right partner for them. Time and again it has been said, you don’t find a partner, as it will come natural. You cannot fabricate or fix something for the sake of having a person be at your side. It should be of your own free will without conditions.

Such was something I had experienced ages ago. Going into college, I just came of a recent break-off with my first girlfriend, and the feeling was really devastating. Something I was not used to at that time, it severely affected my moral standards, dampening my spirits as an innocent youth finding the meaning of love in those days. I shifted my attention on using pain as my strength, pouring all my energy on sports activities such as basketball and Tae Kwon Do. The latter was of course much more severe and punishing, and the pain that I garnered from the training for competition and was really not felt in exchange for emotional setbacks I had then. I really didn’t care much, all that mattered was I compete for glory and carve my name out as part of the college team varsity, something I would be proud of.

I abused my body so much then that people began to wonder how I would do it. Staying up late, smoking a lot, drinking tons of alcohol, and needing to undergo the training every morning and afternoon and simultaneously taking up my studies was suicide to most of them. I called it keeping myself busy, not leaving a moment to think and reflect. Attaining such achievements is something that most people would not understand, but for me it means a lot. I also had my share of people that got my interest, but well, it just didn’t work out. Relationships ensued, but none of them lasted. This was the trend up to this day.

The only thing that has changed from then is that I am not getting any younger. I still try to be the same old busy body, but the toll that these abuses have made to my body and mind are obviously much more different today. Pain is still present but I never show it, since I was never known to be weak inside. Perhaps this is the reason why it takes so much to see a tear fall from my eyes. This is a rarity and no one has ever seen me cry other than my family.

Pain may be a sign of weakness for most people but if a person
knows how to manipulate it and turn it into one of his strong points, he will be
amazed at how pain will never be felt at all.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Who Am I? – Principles and Changes in Outlooks and Acceptance

If there is one thing that I can say that has changed in my overall personality compared to my early years, it’s that of knowing where I stand and up to what extent I can get to with anyone, family, friends or new acquaintances. Some say it comes with age, but I would call it showing respect and getting the message immediately.

I will admit, in my younger years, I was the aggressive and immature person who would not stop to fight for something until I get it. I did this despite being lambasted, belittled and called various names as stupid, idiot and so on. The fire in my eyes of proving a point back then was to get what I want and how. Some would say I was the person who would not take no for an answer, impressing a lot of people especially the opposite sex.

But now in my 30’s, everything seems to be on a different level. Some say I am still young to take on life the way I am right now, but apparently, putting my focus on a lot of things, unfinished accomplishments as far as proving to me the various tasks I knew I could be good at has taken the best of my time today. To date, it has only been my daughter, my sole daughter that has been able to persuade me to take on life the way it should be. Maybe it’s because she was given the wrong impression from the various years that I was never there or close to her.

Anyway, today, life seems so different. Rejection is still there, picky eyes, and critics who still downplay me both as a person and as a professional. I couldn’t care less about what they say as long as I live by my principles, something that my Dad taught me when I was still the immature kid around the corner. I never appreciated what it all meant until today, where I am able to handle a company where all my inputs, wishes and ideas are being put into perspective as long as I am able to justify them. Just yesterday, I met someone, asking me what my work was. He initially thought I was a sales agent, but when I said my actual position, he told me that I must have something special to be placed in that position and call all the shots. I just flashed a smile not knowing what to do. It was an uplifting complement from someone who knew my bosses well.

Meeting new people, being set up on dates, well, the usual curiosity is there, but the approach is different. Something like this is who I am, so accept me or avoid me has been the attitude I have instilled in myself. It cannot be discounted that people have preferences and should I not have them, I will just step back and walk away. It may be hard, but I would understand. Today, it is never about what I feel, but for how I would feel if there is no sincerity. People may use me abuse, but I have my limits and trust will always be broken. I listen to the song of the late Karen Carpenter, “Love Me for What I Am” and perhaps this is something that inspires me the most. Similar to Take it or Leave it…

As far as love and relationship goes, well, I take them all in stride. I am no longer the charming male specie that everyone knew. I find no reason to stomp and insist if the person looks at me at a different way. It’s only natural. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Not having someone is not the end of the world. It may be tough but hey, it doesn’t make anyone less of a person.
We all have our special gifts, and putting them into good use for the duration of our lives will be the biggest accomplishment we will obtain.

Friends, old, new and would be will be able to read this. Laugh, understand or find it a waste of time. But have you asked yourself if you are mature enough dealing with your own lives? Think about it, maybe its time you did instead of criticizing and sticking to your current beliefs. You have nothing to lose but more to gain…

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Some Kind of Wonderful: The Choices We Make

At some point in our life, we all look forward to something extravagant and striking in our lives. It could come in the form of a successful career, solid family camaraderie or perhaps just a simple feeling of accomplishment which can be in any form we deem fit. In the same way that no two people are alike, the level of anxiety and satisfaction that we consider as a monumental part of our lives may not solicit the same approval from other people, even our friends.

Wonderful happenings and moments would come at various points of our lives. We never know how to express such optimism at times, a common gesture that everyone would agree that sometimes leaves us tongue tied or queer. The true appreciation of such accomplishments catches us at the most unexpected time. It is in these scenarios that appreciating such moments will usually come after some time, when we look back and ponder at how our lives went on for the past years or so.

So how do we categorize and choose the striking relevance of a certain thing, such as perhaps getting that long due promotion you always wanted, being able to buy and live in your own house, or marrying the perfect woman you always dreamed of and having beautiful kids to take care of. The possibilities are multiple and it would all come down to what has meaning to a person, what he considers the greatest achievement that he has done over the course of his existence in the world.

Not all of us are blessed. We all want the whole package like love and money altogether without having to go through the motions of sacrifice. In most cases, we are made to choose, companionship or wealth. Whichever the choice, it should be stood upon by the people who consider it the most important aspect of their lives. The satisfaction level that a person has is totally varied. No one can presume that a person is happy with what he or she actually wants in life. In most cases, this will draw criticism, but out of respect for his or her beliefs, it would be best to let them be and respect what they consider the most wonderful thing in the world for them. No one is in a position to judge people by what they want; it is purely based on principle. No matter what the case may be, standing up on their beliefs, what makes them happy and of course, their governing principles in life, the final judgment on what they truly want to endure should not be questioned.
Fate has its way of teaching us the ways of life, sometimes even dictating what we should go for, but nevertheless, being able to achieve and realize these long awaited dreams may be the silencing factor towards fulfillment.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A Mirror Image on Reality and Plastic People of Today

We get to meet people here and there and all of them have varying points on how to accept a person. Most would give the usual answer of as long as he is a gentleman, thoughtful, understanding and sweet, they won’t mind. Who are we kidding? Looks still have a role in determining if a person would be someone we would like to be with, seen with or go out with.

How does one accept a person in reality? Looks still count. Not the macho, mestizos or mestizas alone. A certain mixture which includes ethnic proportions such as livelihood, profession and history as well. Age is another thing since people would rather have a hitch free person rather than listen to their old stories of yesterday, something that most people would consider even if they won’t admit it. I bet you even if a person is formerly married, a person would still go out with him or her because he or she is able to maintain a certain quality that lures the opposite sex. I should know, my ex-wife is a clear example. But in her case, it was money that lured her out of a good marriage. Better late than never but I knew it was coming. For some people money is everything and that is something you simply cannot take away.

Deceptions are part of the world. People seem to be the right one, but they are just testing the waters and seeing what benefits they would get from you. If they don’t see any profitable future with you, well, don’t expect a second look. They will naturally avoid you. Understandably, why would they waste their time on a has-been, when they can find someone else better?

This is one reason why I have instilled this attitude of accept and retreat. I get to meet a lot of people and no matter how strong this claim may be, it is the reality of it all. People without any hang-ups in life will not waste time on people who have hang-ups. In the same way, why should you force the issue. Backing away won’t hurt. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and happiness. That is perhaps I choose to accept what is there and slide back into the crowd as a regular bystander. That way, being out of the limelight will not be as hard as falling from a mountain that you have conquered, especially if you don’t know how to look back at your tracks.

Sorry but not all people are perfect. This not a crime but it a turn that fate had instilled the moment we were born...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Blog Herald Feature: How I Blog-Brian Yalung, MBA

My sincerest gratitude to Matt of Blog Media for making this happen. Please check out this feature:

How I Blog: Brian Yalung, MBA

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Family Asylum, Isolation, and Protecion

Protection and Isolated Asylum. My mother informed me the other night how I felt about migrating to the states if given the chance. Apparently, this is because of my brother-in-law’s run in with the government, his inclusion in the Oakwood Mutineer’s failed Coup attempt 3 years ago. While I did hear a word or two about it, I never thought he would really be joining it! So he and his comrades are now in isolated chambers at Fort Bonifacio, which I know is a burden for his kids and my sister. Well, much as I would want to help, I do my part as the Uncle who spoils his bratty nephews and nieces every week. They deserve to enjoy life and get the attention that they need. It is the least I can do since my parents and grandparents made me enjoy my infant and childhood life as well. Now it is my turn to do the same to the young tykes.

Going back, apparently the government is taking a big risk in trying to make my brother in law talk. Once he does, well, it will be the safety of his kids that will be at risk, and according to my mom, all people in the household, including myself! This really got my ire and I answered a big fat NO! Why should I suffer from his childish actions I said, I am working hard to maintain a clean life only to be ruined by one childish act which they obviously fouled up! Given the situation, leftists known as the NPA (New People’s Army) would go after his family, us included according to my mom. I vehemently protested because no one even saw me going out with this guy without my sister. My only concern is for the kids. While I understand that they may have to leave for safety reasons, inside it will be tough to condition myself not seeing them. I know my daughter would be heartbroken as well, as these two kids never fail to come into my room, call my name and ask me to play with them, often of which I would oblige. But for their future’s sake, I would not stop such asylum and protection for them.

I just cannot imagine people as the NPA try to hurt a 4 and 2 year old kid. If they have their differences, I just wish they take it out on themselves and leave families out of their spat. When my brother in law joined this tirade, it was a death wish from the start. Looking out for his family’s welfare never occurred in his mind, and now he is befuddled, not know what to do. I have made harsh decisions in my life, but among those decisions, I would never put my family’s lives in danger. That would be selfish and stupid!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Scaredy Cat

Nothing best sums it all up when people ask my why I haven’t found someone to fill the void that everyone seems to be filled. Even my friends, new and old, do not believe that I am single and alone with only my daughter in tow, Vanessa. Many would say I am conning them or something when in reality I am really not. Even my ex-girlfriends, whom for some reason I have resorted to contacting for no apparent reason, do not believe I am single right now. Most of them call me a guy who never runs out of girls to be with; on whether that is good or bad, well, I leave the judgment up to them. Ever since I found out that my ex-wife was cheating on me, well, the search for someone more deserving never entered my mind, well at least not yet. But analyzing myself carefully, I don’t think even if my ex-wife was not cheating on me, I had already set my sites on a task based personality, pursuing a dream towards success, something that most professionals would prioritize for the benefit of their siblings.

I don’t feel down at times, maybe because I really take on a lot of things simultaneously, and I have my nephews and niece to eat up my attention. I know I am still the person of yesterday’s news, but only one part of me changed, and I guess this can be attributed to the fact that I have conditioned myself into allowing people the freedom of judgment and acceptance. Gone are my years of being persuasive, fighting for what I want. Right now, I satisfy myself on how people see me, physically and mentally. There have been people who still judge a book by its cover, but I simply smile at them and go on my way. It is impossible to please everyone and I guess the same holds for me in this situation. I had my run at relationships, the last of which was a few months back. But seeing that it would be unfair to have someone and not give her the due love and affection she deserves would be an act of selfishness on my part. One after another, women go my way, and in each one, I don’t see the fire in my eyes to love them the way women should be loved. Something happened to me along the road, something that has totally negated my preference for self satisfaction. People who have known me for so many years would be puzzled at me right now. But crazy as it may seem, I feel that time is not on my side.

Perhaps appearance is also another factor. I am not the same physical appearing conscious person like before. It can be similar to something like, well, a part of me has been used up, and we all cannot stay young forever. A person just has to do what he has to do. Acceptance of a person to understand my situation, my personality and my current outlook in life will be difficult. And as I said to one of the women I had tried to court before, if ever I do get back the fire to want someone beside me, it would be someone from my past, someone who knows me better than anyone else. At my age, trying to pose as a teenager is no longer a feasible resort. The usual hyperactive person in me has slowly taken its toll, and injuries, both physically and mentally are not helping. As I said, age is the factor.

One person I met called me a scaredy cat and I think she is right. I am scared to love again for fear of going through all of this over and over again. People take chances, but I feel hesitations on my part. Perhaps I am not ready, but if I were the stubborn type, I could manipulate people and fool them to believing I truly care for them. But right now, I only admit my true feeling for people who really mean something to me. Unfortunately these people don’t feel the same way. So why force the issue. Knowing where you stand is the best thing a person can ask for. I call it a mix of choice and respect for other’s decision. So that is that…

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Analyzing Dreams: Truth of Dare?

When I was a kid, my parents often told me that dreams are the exact opposite. At first, I took on my experiences in this notion, since parents are the most trusted people who would not fib or make up stories just to create the usual kid’s fantasies that we usually know parents would make up so as to keep us in our stage of growth. Superstitious may be part of it as well, but the heck, what is there to lose when you are a kid when you are still leaning on the support of your parents right?

These memories often become my point of reference when I want to analyze dreams. But lately, some of my dreams, especially the horrible ones which I can call nightmares, haunt me and make me think on whether I have this knack for telling what the future holds or what lies ahead for me. Not to boast, but I often find myself making bold predictions and statements to which majority have come true. It becomes a point where I would rather shut up and let fate have its way on my life. Some would say I am crazy, but just the same, I know myself better and the things that I have been through. Young as what most people would say, I feel I am in my latter stage of life, but confused as well, because I feel that I have to mature faster than the usual life cycle.

Another aspect is that of their consistency as far as the person in my dream and that of my relationship with them. I would usually dream of them on consecutive days which really gives me the creeps. But unlike when I was a child, I don’t look forward to dreams as much, perhaps because I have decided to make myself busy by doing various things simultaneously, leaving less room for idle time. It is no secret that my current status is rare, and not to show-off, in reality being chosen over a mother to stay with is indeed a privilege and an honor. This warms the heart a lot, although admittedly I am not the mushy type. It takes so much to allow tears to drop from my eyes and the last time tears dropped was when I graduated from Ateneo my MBA degree. Well, I guess we just have to wait and see what dreams may come. There is nothing definite for a dream, and no basis for interpretation on my end. All I can say is that
fate has its reasons and I and most of us, should be prepared for whatever tomorrow has in store for us.