Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Mixed Feelings in a World of Deception

I am totally in a mixed stage right now. I don’t know if I am happy and content or if I am sad and have a certain space to fill. The price to pay for living up to your principles in life truly has its downfalls, and while people may not understand or view it in a different way, the final say will still be on my part.

At this point in time, I cannot say that I am accomplished as far as my career is concerned. I admit that I am sometimes taking it easy, sort of like playing around and am handling pressure well as far as management directives are concerned. Compensation wise, as before, I feel is short changed, thus leading me to adding other tasks such as article writing, trading, and consultancy and so on. People may ask where I get the time and strength to handle all of them. My answer is simply because I love doing them and I always strive to accomplish something despite evident time pressure.

On the personal side, I content myself with spoiling my nephews and nieces who always take my stressful week away with their antics and providing me laughter with their cute wise cracks and my daughter who is growing up to be a lady now, and slowly seeing the realities of life, experiencing the outside world unlike before when she was stored in a container house by my great ex-wife at her so called successful parents. If I understand it right, basing it all on what I gathered from Vanessa, it was similar to being in prison walls. While protection may only be natural, you simply cannot hold on to something and keep it that way all your life. The growth and maturity of a person cannot be measured by always monitoring them. You have to let go and the best you can do is provide restrictions in a nice way for them to be able to know up to what extent they are being allowed to do so.

Taking my cue from what I said earlier on “you simply cannot hold on to something and keep it that way all your life”, this also holds true in my social life. People have different views of a person. Some would want to get close to a person because he can be of use to them, while others simply treat friendship for a time being when someone is always there for them in times of personal pressure. The world is full of deception, and the so-called friends for a time being will disappear after some time. This is not really surprising. All through my life, I can say I only have one true friend in each of my growth stages that I can shout out as a true friend indeed. Sad to say, but this is a reality and people you meet can be classified as a bunch of hungry sharks waiting to feed on you and leave you out in the cold once they have consumed every ounce of privilege they can get from you.

In my former married life, I tried to shift from being a nosey and strict husband towards a more flexible and mature person. I thought such a move would keep the ties better. Well, obviously it did not work out, but I am not sorry. There are two things I learned from it, one of which is, if people are truly meant for each other, they would stay together through thick and thin without bounds and secondly, letting go of someone and not being a watchdog may be an error, but as long as it makes the person happy, believe it or not, you should be too. Why? Because the price to make people happy comes at a stiff price, sometimes a lifetime of sorrow for which you have to cover by resorting to other means such as working hard for your daughter to be successful, keeping yourself busy 24/7, and giving your all to a bunch of kids who will remember you once your time has passed.

No comments: