Friday, March 24, 2006

An Empty Space...Defying Odds...Growing Old

Where do I go from here? Well, this is a question that I would ponder on, especially at times when a question pops up from my friends and relatives…Who will be with you when you grow old? Who will take care of you? You can’t go on being alone forever. If I were to answer this now, my instant answer is I can live with it, I have been used to it for majority of my life, not having someone who is consistent and who will love me for who I am, what I am, and what I believe in. My former wife tried to do this, but she didn’t have the patience or the belief in me. So while it did hurt to know that she went off with another guy, I just stand up, and tell myself, well, this is nothing new. Through all my life I have been used to wanting to achieve things on my own sweat, and this should not be an exception. I am known to defy all odds, make the impossible happen, well, the biggest test lies in my personal life, my once rocky married life.

Besides, I already have my trophy with me, something more precious than any other item or currency can bind. A lovely daughter named Natazha Vanessa Yalung. Seeing my daughter walk with her head up high and aim to achieve various things in the same way I did in my life is more than enough reward for me to think of anything else for myself. My life is never about myself. It is about helping other stand up and build their paths. This is what is more important to me, something I want to see from my peers and friends. Their success is already an achievement for me.

About companionship, I have totally fallen out of it. I have grown to become independent, caring less of what my future has in store for me. I have met some people, some I would love to fill that empty space, but unfortunately, priorities change and with my situation, I do not see them properly filling that space. I admire a lot of girls, but to call it love and truly have them support me is totally different. The most important thing above anything else is seeing them take their lives responsibly and not wasting their time and making decisions that are so arrogant. I have gotten into these relationships for the past year, and sad to say, this has always been my observation. Like I said, a person helping himself or herself will truly be someone I can relate to. Sad to say, no matter how much I push myself to it, the feeling is simply not there. So why bother getting into a relationship, if it is deemed to die from the first day. May as well face the world and take on challenges and opportunities as they come my way….alone and aggressively.

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